The Challenge Is More Important Than The Outcome

As a sophomore in high school, I decided to take up the sport of tennis. Never before having played, I realized this was somewhat of a crazy idea…but never the less, I decided to give it a try. Because there were already about 15 girls on the team, I knew my shot at even being allowed on the court during practices would be a challenge…and it was. Luckily, there was a board at the end of the court I could practice with and an older man by the name of Jim Kelly (a retired tennis pro) who volunteered to stay after practice to help me. Needless to say, I’m pretty sure I received minimal to no court time that year, but I continued to practice throughout the next year and returned to be #2 on the team my junior year and #1 my senior year. Now before you get too impressed by my tenacity, I want to clarify – my innate tennis talent was completely lacking, my skill level from practice was sub-par at best, and my performance during matches reflected my 2 previous statements and was absolutely embarrassing. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs – performance anxiety has been a thorn in my side for as long as I can remember…but recognizing the exceptions to these experiences has been helpful. For example, during practice and challenges (where we were able to challenge a more advanced player for their positions on the team) – I was able to excel, but why? Another contradiction to my routinely disgraceful performance occurred during a tennis tournament where I somehow was unluckily paired up with an exceptional player who was pretty much expected to win the tournament…and that match was the best match of my high school tennis career…but why?
Two Reasons:
1.       Expectations
2.       We perform better when challenged
During team challenges, I expected to lose because my teammates were better, possessed more skill, and had a lot more experience. Also during the tournament with the great player, I expected to lose….so how did these expectations change the experience? I played for the challenge, not the expectation of the outcome. Sure the exceptional player, who was pre-selected to win the match, received a bouquet of flowers after trouncing me in the 3rd set….but the point is that I made it to the 3rd set and enjoyed every second of it. This brings up my second point which relates to the psychologist Vygotsky’s concept of scaffolding – we improve when we are challenged beyond our skill level. I reflected on this pattern and began to explore other times in my life where fears about the outcome served as a barrier to my performance and the enjoyment of being challenged. When I was in high school, I rarely asked questions due to fear of how others would perceive me. When I went to college, however, and sat in a class of 300 – I stopped caring about that because no one knew me anyway – that’s when I really started learning…and enjoying it for more than the purpose of receiving a grade. The point is that life is hard and challenging and there are enough barriers to success without allowing your expectations and performance anxiety to become an additional barrier.
 One more point about this tennis story…The summer after I graduated from high school, I was asked to speak at a toast/roast to celebrate Jim Kelly. I graciously accepted the invitation and wrote a brief speech about my appreciation for him and how his encouragement changed my life by improving my self-efficacy. As I concluded my speech, I observed Jim smiling through tears…That was one of my first experiences of recognizing that relationships are what really matter to me. The feeling of knowing I was able to make Jim feel appreciated after all he had given me was far greater than any momentary feeling of joy that could’ve resulted from winning a tournament…and let’s face it – that wasn’t going to happen anyway – I’m no Maria Sharapova... 
The Point:
1.       Focus on the challenge rather than the outcome – fears regarding the outcome can be the greatest barrier to your success

2.       Go beyond your comfort level – we learn through experiences in which we are challenged by those who are more skillful than ourselves

3.       Express appreciation for those who help you along the way – you are where you are because of them

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