Sometimes You Play Your Best Hand, and the House Still Wins


Well, I’ll be honest –I’ve had better weeks. Despite my best efforts, my dream job with the ideal company became just that…a dream that did not come to fruition. Additionally, my backup plan to work part-time at my current job logistically did not work out...I’m left with potential to build my private practice, but also the undeniable reality that growing a private practice takes time, investment, and a lot of hard work. This is life – it’s a challenge, and I’m doing my best to see it as that...I’m trying to remember the quote “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional” – but in the immediate aftermath of disappointment, it’s not an easy task.

My mom told me not to write about this in my blog. It’s amazing that in 30 years she has not realized that telling me not to do something is usually NOT an effective strategy…maybe try some reverse psychology next time mom...

 I understand why a mother would not want her daughter to focus on the pain of a situation…after all, when a child hurts; a parent feels it as well. Withholding my feelings, however, is not my style. I pride myself in being authentic – similar to Yalom’s conceptualization of therapists as “fellow travelers.” Again, moderation and flexibility in thinking play an important role here – recognizing a struggle does not automatically reflect failure or loss of hope.

The “struggles” or “low points” in my life have also been the defining moments that challenge, but ultimately strengthen me personally, professionally, and psychologically. When I was waitlisted after interviewing for grad school, for example, the sting of rejection felt unbearable…but I later realized that this initial rejection increased my determination and perseverance…which is probably what helped me survive the Buffalo winters and my dissertation.

Receiving 7 job rejections following internship also challenged my faith, but that’s what happens when you choose a challenging career and compete with other skilled professionals. Later I was also able to understand that this additional “time off” post internship allowed me to complete my dissertation, obtain a job that was the best “fit” at the time, and settle into married life. Let’s just hope my unemployment doesn’t last 6 months this time…

Our lives are essentially our stories, and we are the writers – and ultimately that’s what we have in life. You may not like to write in a literal sense, but the story you create is repeated and expanded upon each day in your mind. We all have our ideas of what is entertaining to read, but I personally think the struggle is the defining part of what makes a good story.

The Point (How to Regroup after Disappointment):

  • Take some time to process the difficult feelings – remember: the bad days serve to make the good days better

  • Seek support from others - mentors, family, friends, therapist

  • Acknowledge your struggle – shame and embarrassment just keep you stuck

  • Do the next right thing (relapse prevention) – take care of yourself today

  • Establish small measurable goals toward achieving your long-term goal – this will help you stay motivated

  • Rent a good Hollywood flick – think “The Pursuit of Happiness” – recognize the importance of struggle in defining a true success story

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