How Socially Prescribed Standards Sabotage Happiness

I studied a lot about perfectionism in graduate school and different measures of perfectionism…which probably sounds pretty uninteresting to most of you (so feel free to stop reading if I’ve already lost you…remember, these are just my meandering thoughts)…but Hewitt and Flett’s multidimensional perfectionism scale consisting of 3 subscales (self-oriented, socially-prescribed, and other-oriented) seemed to offer a pretty interesting assessment in my opinion…I’ll provide a few examples below that are similar to the questions used on the actual measure:
  • Self-oriented perfectionism example: “I expect a lot of myself”
  • Socially-prescribed perfectionism example: “Others expect a lot of me”               
  • Other-oriented perfectionism example: “I expect a lot of others”
Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with my career decision to pursue private practice – and I’ve been trying to identify the factors that cause me to feel “stuck” or “anxious.” I also find that working with my clients helps me to reflect upon themes in my life that people in general tend to struggle with. I primarily treat eating disorders and relationship issues, so these are the treatment issues I’m using to relate to my current career indecision experience.

It seems to me that the big decisions in life are oftentimes decided upon as a result of a 3-pronged analysis (see the triangle in my diagram) – 1) Discomfort with Status Quo, 2) Desire for success, and 3) Fear of failure…At least these are the main factors I’ve been using in my cost/benefit analysis of pursuing private practice. This basic approach, however, is lacking because the socially prescribed vs. self-oriented dimensions are missing. It seems to me that the answer to moving beyond the “stuck” feeling or “anxiety” rests in one’s self-oriented values.

If your “self-oriented” values, however, reflect “socially-prescribed” values – this model may not be helpful for you…but for some people, identifying personal values (independent of societal values) and pursuing a path of “passion and positive uncertainty” (see green arrow) can provide a solution…

As a side note, I sent this to my husband because I’m sure he could tell that I have been “in my head” a lot lately about my career decision…He asked if our relationship is in the “comfortable, but lacking” block...

For the record, I told him his name would fall in my “happiness” block…

This model also fits well within the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) Approach - the point of which is to recognize that a certain amount of anxiety is normal, but values provide the answer to overcoming the anxiety...    



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