Meaningful Pursuits vs. Disposable Pleasures

The Grand Prix is in town this Labor Day Weekend in Baltimore, so Matt and I had the afternoon off from work. It was a nice afternoon, so we decided to have dinner and cocktails at Waterstreet Tavern – a restaurant we frequented prior to moving out to the suburbs and expanding our family. We had a nice waiter today by the name of Michael. He kept our drinks full and provided menu recommendations, which I really appreciated…but I also noticed that he took time to shake hands with and learn the names of all the patrons. As a former waitress, I recognize this additional effort…especially considering how most people tend to tip 20% or more regardless of the service provided. My belief is that we should all seek out jobs that we really enjoy, and when someone demonstrates this additional effort – it appears to suggest that it is more than a simple job, but something they also derive pleasure from and engage in for the purpose of fulfillment rather than financial gain.

Michael took a few moments of his time to ask where we were raised. It’s always funny to me how my husband insistently answers “Virginia” before I have a chance to interject. Matt was actually born and raised in Long Island, NY until the age of 12…but he prefers to claim the South…(who can really blame him, right?)...only kidding…in all honesty – prior to even meeting my husband, I had a conceptualization of the man I wanted as a future partner…someone grounded in the Southern tradition of engaging with neighbors, being friendly to all, and working hard for the sake of working….but I also wanted someone educated with an appreciation for cultural differences, liberal beliefs of equality, and a palate for fine foods. Luckily I found this rare commodity in my husband Matt, but it always surprises me that he discounts this background variation in conversation with others…I guess he is trying to “keep it short” for the purpose of small talk…which you can tell by my verbose blogs is not my forte…

Michael then discussed once living in Atlanta and shared his observation that individuals in the South are “fake.” He is originally from Queens, NY and he discussed an interesting and probably valid theory that individuals from large cities such as New York City appreciate the importance of not wasting someone’s time…that in essence they must make a choice between “meaningful pursuits vs. disposable pleasures.” For those of you who read my blogs regularly, you know that my conceptualization of interactions with others is at odds with this conceptualization…but you also know I value dialogue and understanding the views of others…so the conversation continued. Most people close to me also know that I appreciate a good debate, so I was hooked…

I provided a rebuttal to Michael’s ascertain that Southerners are “fake” – my experience was based on moving to Buffalo, NY after living in Georgia all of my life. The subject of “meaningful pursuits vs. disposable pleasures” is most noticeably identified in male/female stranger interactions. In the South, a young single girl can go out with friends and engage in conversation with men, form friendships, sometimes remain in contact, and other times just enjoy a great conversation for the evening. In the North, however, this is not the case. I learned this lesson at SoHo on Chippewa Street in Buffalo when my grad school girlfriends informed me that I would find myself in trouble if I did not selectively choose individuals with whom I wanted to converse.

I do not usually appreciate generalizations about groups of people, so I want to acknowledge that there may be individual differences between Northerners and Southerners and also this may be a small town approach vs. a big city mentality rather than a regional difference. In any case, my point is that conversation with strangers is valuable regardless of whether or not you obtain anything out of the discussion (e.g. a date, a career opportunity, etc)... 

Michael then, unexpectedly, demonstrated his New Yorker style when he  ventured into a conversation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – basically the suggestion that we all need to address our physiological needs and safety needs before belongingness, esteem needs, and self-actualization. He argued that when you compete for resources in a large city, interactions have to serve a purpose…I’m giving some definite credit to anyone who brings up Maslow’s hierarchy in a discussion with a psychologist, but I also have to point out that a sense of belonging and connection is pretty central in Maslow’s Hierarchy.

I maintain the belief that connection with others is always a “meaningful pursuit” – it shapes the way we view our world and ourselves. Is the world an open and accepting place? Do others have some interesting insight that can contribute to my interpersonal growth and enlightenment?

Maybe Matt and I were a “disposable pleasure” for afternoon conversation to pass a Friday night shift, but we very much enjoyed our conversation and the food at Waterstreet this evening…so I would encourage others to drop in for the grouper sandwich…and a meaningful pursuit…or a disposable pleasure (you be the judge) with the nice waiter named Michael ;)