Mommy and Career Woman - Can We Effectively Do Both?


This morning I had a conversation with a woman in New Jersey who currently holds a position I am considering with a new Baltimore office. As she discussed working approximately 70 hours per week (full-time job + private practice), I noticed my niece and daughter making faces at me inside the sliding glass door. It was one of those difficult “in the moment” previews of what my life could become. Here it is – the day after my daughter’s first birthday…a year ago today, I was waking up for the first time as a mother and focusing only on her smell, her needs, and what her future would look like. Today, exactly a year later, I’m on a work call discussing my future when I have the rare opportunity to play with my daughter.

It is such a difficult balance, as a mother, because my future automatically impacts her future – Will I be able to give her the things my parents provided for me (clothes, a car, insurance, cell phone, money for college)? Will she be envious of the other girls going off for sorority rush? Will she sit in her dorm room wondering how she will make friends since her parents cannot afford this trivial expense? I know the opportunity to pledge a sorority is an unnecessary expense, but for an 18 year old girl living in Brumby Hall on the University of Georgia Campus – you might as well be a social outcast. I only received a spot in that dorm because of a girl I met during orientation – I didn’t belong there with the Atlanta Private School girls and I didn’t belong in a sorority, but the point is that it hurt a little to not belong…and every mother wants her child to belong. The woman I spoke with this morning also acknowledged that she has a 2 year old at home, and I heard the guilt in her voice which she forged through by commenting about how life is different in the year 2013 and we women have to sacrifice to provide for our families.

As I watched my daughter grin and press her nose against the glass door, I decided – moderation- has to be the answer here. I know that I will not be able to afford all the things my daughter wants, but maybe similar to my experience – she will benefit from not having everything. The fact that I was not allowed to join a sorority, helped me develop my interpersonal skills out of necessity. When two girls (who later became my best friends) on my hall mismatched from their sororities of choice, I confidently walked into one of their rooms to provide support. That was one of the first experiences where I realized I have something to offer to others (my counseling skills), even individuals my own age.

I decided today that whatever career path I choose, I will not work 2 jobs and spend more time away from home in order to give my daughter more material possessions. I will work for the purposes of contributing financially and showing my daughter that she can be both a mother and a career woman; however, I will also set aside ample time to be with my daughter because that is what she needs most – a mother that can validate her feelings of sadness when we can’t afford the things she wants, someone to celebrate her joy when she is happy, and a teacher to acknowledge her efforts when she works hard.

The Point:

1. Balancing the demands of motherhood and work are hard – be patient with yourself!

2. Your child does not need everything they want – the lesson of disappointment can be just as valuable

3. IF YOU WANT TO WORK (this is not for everyone) – modeling the ability to follow your own dreams will only benefit your daughter when she too questions whether or not she must give up the love of her career for the love of her family

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