Meandering Thoughts of a Psychologist

The Grand Prix is in town this Labor Day Weekend in Baltimore, so Matt and I had the afternoon off from work. It was a nice afternoon, so we decided to have dinner and cocktails at Waterstreet Tavern – a restaurant we frequented prior to moving out to the suburbs and expanding our family. We had a nice waiter today by the name of Michael. He kept our drinks full and provided menu recommendations, which I really appreciated…but I also noticed that he took time to shake hands with and learn the names of all the patrons. As a former waitress, I recognize this additional effort…especially considering how most people tend to tip 20% or more regardless of the service provided. My belief is that we should all seek out jobs that we really enjoy, and when someone demonstrates this additional effort – it appears to suggest that it is more than a simple job, but something they also derive pleasure from and engage in for the purpose of fulfillment rather than financial gain. Michael took a few m...

I pretty much limited my blog following when I decided to write primarily about women’s issues and today will probably limit my reading pool further…except for the Southern female supporters of the SEC. This weekend marks the beginning of college football season for my alma mater UGA, and I’ve already noticed the excitement building on my facebook newsfeed. Some people are probably perplexed about why a college football game contributes to this kind of fan frenzy, so I’ll do my best to explain what all the hype is about…at least from my perspective. College game day contributes to feelings of excitement, but also a sense of community and a relaxing, reassuring feeling from the past – a time when things were easier…when no matter how stressed I felt about my upcoming exams, I could lose my worries in the melodies provided by the readcoat marching band. It was a time when I would forego other expenditures in order to save up for my red and black dress – yes, we Georgia girls ...

I studied a lot about perfectionism in graduate school and different measures of perfectionism…which probably sounds pretty uninteresting to most of you (so feel free to stop reading if I’ve already lost you…remember, these are just my meandering thoughts)…but Hewitt and Flett’s multidimensional perfectionism scale consisting of 3 subscales (self-oriented, socially-prescribed, and other-oriented) seemed to offer a pretty interesting assessment in my opinion…I’ll provide a few examples below that are similar to the questions used on the actual measure: Self-oriented perfectionism example: “I expect a lot of myself” Socially-prescribed perfectionism example: “Others expect a lot of me”                 Other-oriented perfectionism example: “I expect a lot of others” Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with my career decision to pursue private practice – and I’ve been trying to identify the facto...

Well, I’ll be honest –I’ve had better weeks. Despite my best efforts, my dream job with the ideal company became just that…a dream that did not come to fruition. Additionally, my backup plan to work part-time at my current job logistically did not work out...I’m left with potential to build my private practice, but also the undeniable reality that growing a private practice takes time, investment, and a lot of hard work. This is life – it’s a challenge, and I’m doing my best to see it as that...I’m trying to remember the quote “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional” – but in the immediate aftermath of disappointment, it’s not an easy task. My mom told me not to write about this in my blog. It’s amazing that in 30 years she has not realized that telling me not to do something is usually NOT an effective strategy…maybe try some reverse psychology next time mom...   I understand why a mother would not want her daughter to focus on the pain of a situation…after all, when a ...

On the train this morning, I read the article about the prevention of a school shooting in Decatur, Georgia. Similar to the feelings I’ve experienced after hearing about other mass shootings, I instantly felt anger and frustration considering the fact that anyone could think about harming young children…but then I also felt hope after finishing the article and discovering how the shooting was prevented.   Antoinette Tuff The article stated that Ms. Antoinette Tuff spoke with the young man, talked about her own life, and encouraged him that "life will still bring about turns, but we can learn from it." She simply made herself relatable and provided encouragement.   This story demonstrates that the individuals responsible for these events may be acting less as a result of severe psychopathology and more as a result of discouragement and lack of connection to others. We ask ourselves why someone would want to hurt innocent children – and I have no answers, but...

As a sophomore in high school, I decided to take up the sport of tennis. Never before having played, I realized this was somewhat of a crazy idea…but never the less, I decided to give it a try. Because there were already about 15 girls on the team, I knew my shot at even being allowed on the court during practices would be a challenge…and it was. Luckily, there was a board at the end of the court I could practice with and an older man by the name of Jim Kelly (a retired tennis pro) who volunteered to stay after practice to help me. Needless to say, I’m pretty sure I received minimal to no court time that year, but I continued to practice throughout the next year and returned to be #2 on the team my junior year and #1 my senior year. Now before you get too impressed by my tenacity, I want to clarify – my innate tennis talent was completely lacking, my skill level from practice was sub-par at best, and my performance during matches reflected my 2 previous statements and was absolutely e...

As a therapist, I receive a variety of reactions when disclosing my profession to others – mostly positive, but there are occasional comments about how difficult it must be to listen to others complain all the time. This impression is likely influenced by the media, like the famous Geico commercial: Therapist Commercial   Therapy, in reality, is quite different than it is portrayed on television. I won’t go into specifics – because after all, therapy is confidential but I’d like to share some insights and then speak more generally about the benefits of interpersonally engaging with strangers – not just as a therapist, but as a person.   Sometimes people provide the feedback of how nice it must be to help others, but this observation of therapy doesn’t exactly fit with my experience or conceptualization either. Many people may actually enter the profession with this noble goal of helping others, but this expectation also likely leads to a lot of burnout. The onus is not ...

As I anxiously awaited an interview last week, I thumbed through the Psychology Today magazine lying next to me in the waiting area. As I perused the table of contents, one topic in particular stood out to me - “What Happy People Do Differently.” The gist of the article is that happy people are “curious” and uninhibited by anxiety. It was ironic that I selected this article of all articles as I was processing and attempting to manage my own anxiety. Similar to the very experience that I found myself in as I read the article, I realized that most truly exceptional experiences in my life resulted from a combination of intense nervousness and overwhelming excitement. I remember when I first walked across North Campus at the University of Georgia and feared I would be one of the many to lose my HOPE scholarship or worse yet, fail out of school – but I was also filled with an abundance of joy and excitement provided by the opportunity just to be there. Similarly, I was scared and excited...

Have you ever observed how young girls in elementary school seem more confident and outgoing than older females...Sort of like they are more free and courageous? For example, my 6 year old niece Mollie (see picture) visited a month ago, and I heard her yelling to the neighborhood boys, “what are ya’ll a bunch of lazies, why don’t you come play with me?!” As little girls, some of us are not even deterred by the thought of doing something alone if we really want it…For example, I wanted to ice skate from the first time I read a book about Kristi Yamaguchi and watched her skate in the Olympics. Finally, my parents decided to take me, and I skated from 5 p.m. to closing all alone because I loved it so much. I did not seem to mind what people thought as I clumsily fell multiple times, nor did I care that I was alone for the duration of my skate. I’m not really sure what I was thinking at the time (because that was about 20 years ago), but I suspect that I was just “...

I adore how having a child brings up happy memories from childhood that haven't crossed my mind in the past 20+ years...This morning my memory was triggered by observing how parents always seem to have an "amount" to describe how much they love their children - for example: "to the moon and back" or "to the heavens." When contemplating how I could quantify my love for Hadleigh this morning, I recalled mom's daily statement to me as a little girl "I love you like a hog loves slop!" For anyone who has grown up on a farm or had hogs - you know that's an incredible amount! I realize it may not be transferable to my daughter growing up in the city, but it meant the world to me as a child ------- this memory also reminded me of the day mom made a carrot cake, which didn't exactly turn out. As a young mom, she decided to turn her mistake into a fun time for the kids, so we put candles in the cake, took it to the pig pin in the back yard...

Throughout life, we look forward to the next phase – becoming a teenager, going to college, graduating, having a career, getting married, having children…and then one day we wake up and realize we pretty much have all of those things – a fabulous career, a great home, wonderful friends, an amazing partner, and a beautiful child --- it’s all there…but along with all this splendor comes less time to enjoy it. We have more debt from obtaining the degree that provided the great job, less time in general because of the added housework that comes with owning a home, less time to spend with the amazing friends we’ve acquired because we have partners, and less time for our partners because we have children, and less time with our children because we are so busy trying to balance everything...Despite the stress, we seem to be doing an adequate job of juggling everything (work, family, friendships) until we become aware that we ourselves are depleted of the energy to continue giving to...

Every time I go to the grocery store, I try very hard to avoid looking at the magazines in the check-out lane…but similar to most women, my eyes are often drawn to the latest cover of People magazine or US weekly. Recently, I’ve noticed that they all seem to focus on women’s bodies – either while pregnant or post pregnancy, which is contributing to a trend in our culture for everyone to comment about the bodies of new mothers. Whether your body goes back to its original form instantly or is changed forever – this should not be a topic of conversation for the general public! We are so obsessed as a culture with sexualizing and objectifying women’s bodies that we cannot even appreciate the gift of pregnancy and childbirth without turning it into a feared natural disaster known to wreck the female form… As a pregnant mother, you can try to give yourself cognitive behavioral therapy all you want – but your efforts to restructure those negative thoughts will likely be derailed by the fre...

This morning I had a conversation with a woman in New Jersey who currently holds a position I am considering with a new Baltimore office. As she discussed working approximately 70 hours per week (full-time job + private practice), I noticed my niece and daughter making faces at me inside the sliding glass door. It was one of those difficult “in the moment” previews of what my life could become. Here it is – the day after my daughter’s first birthday…a year ago today, I was waking up for the first time as a mother and focusing only on her smell, her needs, and what her future would look like. Today, exactly a year later, I’m on a work call discussing my future when I have the rare opportunity to play with my daughter. It is such a difficult balance, as a mother, because my future automatically impacts her future – Will I be able to give her the things my parents provided for me (clothes, a car, insurance, cell phone, money for college)? Will she be envious of the other girls goin...

Today is my daughter’s 1 st Birthday, so we flew home to Georgia to celebrate with my family. Our trips home are always fun and memorable, but sometimes bring up feelings of sadness as well. As a teenager, my goal was to move far away from this place called Rabun County – not because it is a bad place, but I viewed it as limiting. After visiting New York City and Washington, D.C. – I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to stay in a place that felt so small. We are happy with the life we’ve built in Baltimore, but I would be lying if I did not admit that there is an ache in my stomach every time I board the plane to Baltimore…This isn’t advice I’m dispensing to others, but a few insights I’m discovering in my own life – As psychologists, we do not have it figured out…actually most of us are even more confused than the general population because we tend to spend time intellectualizing and exploring behavior patterns rather than feeling – writing is helpful because it helps me ...