Meandering Thoughts of a Psychologist

In recent months, three particular topics debated on facebook have led me to question how social media is influencing our views. Initially, I thought social media would contribute to entertaining dialogues and opportunities to learn more from “friends” (facebook friends anyway) who are similar to us, but may share a broader range of perspectives. In recent months, however, the topics on social media (e.g. Duck Dynasty, Miley Cyrus, and Exercise Mom) seem to be resulting in more polarizing views than ever before, and why is this…why do we feel the need to fully support Miley, Phil, or Exercise mom or conversely crucify them via social media? My guess is that life is much easier when we can categorize our surroundings and view others in dichotomous terms. Why are we so afraid to hold awareness that both sides of an argument could be credible? (Disclaimer: I too felt the initial urge to choose a side on these arguments because this is how our brains work – classifying information, jo...

This weekend I attended a presentation titled “How to Let Go of Your Struggle with Body Image” by Dr. Emily Sandoz, and I would like to share my cliffs notes and commentary on the information she provided. First, it was a great presentation, and I would encourage others to see her in person if given the opportunity or to read her book Living with Your Body and Other Things You Hate. Dr. Sandoz talked about the experience of living in our bodies and more importantly the experience of living in a body that often feels out of control. She shared experiences of having fever blisters (I love a little self-disclosure that makes a presentation more personable...). She also discussed more generally acne/other skin issues, how the body naturally changes during adolescence (the weight increase that has to occur in order to go through puberty), how mothers experience the sagging effect after nursing a child, and other changes that occur with age (wrinkles, etc)… Dr. Sand...

Recent feminist blogs have suggested that body image – positive or negative – should be irrelevant…that we should not have to “love our bodies.” First, I wholeheartedly agree with the feminist perspective that weight stigma is a true problem in our society. I also recognize that our advertising industry encourages us to spend too much time and energy focused on our appearance when there are many other worthwhile causes needing support. Additionally, I passionately affirm the argument that we, as women, are so much more than what we look like. In some of the articles, however, there seems to be condescension toward encouraging all women to “love their bodies” – and I do not feel this is a helpful message. I have a one year old daughter, and I agree that I would rather individuals not comment about her appearance upon meeting her because this teaches young girls that they are valued based primarily on this one dimension. As a body image and eating disorder treatment specialist, howeve...

Yesterday I enjoyed an afternoon walk and mother/baby play date with a psychologist friend who is also in private practice. We discussed the many benefits of leaving an organization for self-employment such as walking with our children on a Wednesday afternoon…but we also had an honest conversation about motherhood and what it’s like for someone very attached to their career and work identity to experience this shift of spending more time at home. As I stood there struggling to carry on a conversation and give my daughter a snack/entertain her…I noticed the mother next to us pushing her child in the swing and singing the ABCs. I’ve tried to do this stuff with Hadleigh in the past (really I did…). For example, during the first week of taking her to the babysitter, I sang Old McDonald and the ABCs for a few days…and then I asked myself “what the hell am I doing?!” It felt like it was such an act – because that just isn’t me. You can ask any of the other counselors who were in my p...

The Grand Prix is in town this Labor Day Weekend in Baltimore, so Matt and I had the afternoon off from work. It was a nice afternoon, so we decided to have dinner and cocktails at Waterstreet Tavern – a restaurant we frequented prior to moving out to the suburbs and expanding our family. We had a nice waiter today by the name of Michael. He kept our drinks full and provided menu recommendations, which I really appreciated…but I also noticed that he took time to shake hands with and learn the names of all the patrons. As a former waitress, I recognize this additional effort…especially considering how most people tend to tip 20% or more regardless of the service provided. My belief is that we should all seek out jobs that we really enjoy, and when someone demonstrates this additional effort – it appears to suggest that it is more than a simple job, but something they also derive pleasure from and engage in for the purpose of fulfillment rather than financial gain. Michael took a few m...

I pretty much limited my blog following when I decided to write primarily about women’s issues and today will probably limit my reading pool further…except for the Southern female supporters of the SEC. This weekend marks the beginning of college football season for my alma mater UGA, and I’ve already noticed the excitement building on my facebook newsfeed. Some people are probably perplexed about why a college football game contributes to this kind of fan frenzy, so I’ll do my best to explain what all the hype is about…at least from my perspective. College game day contributes to feelings of excitement, but also a sense of community and a relaxing, reassuring feeling from the past – a time when things were easier…when no matter how stressed I felt about my upcoming exams, I could lose my worries in the melodies provided by the readcoat marching band. It was a time when I would forego other expenditures in order to save up for my red and black dress – yes, we Georgia girls ...

I studied a lot about perfectionism in graduate school and different measures of perfectionism…which probably sounds pretty uninteresting to most of you (so feel free to stop reading if I’ve already lost you…remember, these are just my meandering thoughts)…but Hewitt and Flett’s multidimensional perfectionism scale consisting of 3 subscales (self-oriented, socially-prescribed, and other-oriented) seemed to offer a pretty interesting assessment in my opinion…I’ll provide a few examples below that are similar to the questions used on the actual measure: Self-oriented perfectionism example: “I expect a lot of myself” Socially-prescribed perfectionism example: “Others expect a lot of me”                 Other-oriented perfectionism example: “I expect a lot of others” Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with my career decision to pursue private practice – and I’ve been trying to identify the facto...

Well, I’ll be honest –I’ve had better weeks. Despite my best efforts, my dream job with the ideal company became just that…a dream that did not come to fruition. Additionally, my backup plan to work part-time at my current job logistically did not work out...I’m left with potential to build my private practice, but also the undeniable reality that growing a private practice takes time, investment, and a lot of hard work. This is life – it’s a challenge, and I’m doing my best to see it as that...I’m trying to remember the quote “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional” – but in the immediate aftermath of disappointment, it’s not an easy task. My mom told me not to write about this in my blog. It’s amazing that in 30 years she has not realized that telling me not to do something is usually NOT an effective strategy…maybe try some reverse psychology next time mom...   I understand why a mother would not want her daughter to focus on the pain of a situation…after all, when a ...

On the train this morning, I read the article about the prevention of a school shooting in Decatur, Georgia. Similar to the feelings I’ve experienced after hearing about other mass shootings, I instantly felt anger and frustration considering the fact that anyone could think about harming young children…but then I also felt hope after finishing the article and discovering how the shooting was prevented.   Antoinette Tuff The article stated that Ms. Antoinette Tuff spoke with the young man, talked about her own life, and encouraged him that "life will still bring about turns, but we can learn from it." She simply made herself relatable and provided encouragement.   This story demonstrates that the individuals responsible for these events may be acting less as a result of severe psychopathology and more as a result of discouragement and lack of connection to others. We ask ourselves why someone would want to hurt innocent children – and I have no answers, but...

As a sophomore in high school, I decided to take up the sport of tennis. Never before having played, I realized this was somewhat of a crazy idea…but never the less, I decided to give it a try. Because there were already about 15 girls on the team, I knew my shot at even being allowed on the court during practices would be a challenge…and it was. Luckily, there was a board at the end of the court I could practice with and an older man by the name of Jim Kelly (a retired tennis pro) who volunteered to stay after practice to help me. Needless to say, I’m pretty sure I received minimal to no court time that year, but I continued to practice throughout the next year and returned to be #2 on the team my junior year and #1 my senior year. Now before you get too impressed by my tenacity, I want to clarify – my innate tennis talent was completely lacking, my skill level from practice was sub-par at best, and my performance during matches reflected my 2 previous statements and was absolutely e...

As a therapist, I receive a variety of reactions when disclosing my profession to others – mostly positive, but there are occasional comments about how difficult it must be to listen to others complain all the time. This impression is likely influenced by the media, like the famous Geico commercial: Therapist Commercial   Therapy, in reality, is quite different than it is portrayed on television. I won’t go into specifics – because after all, therapy is confidential but I’d like to share some insights and then speak more generally about the benefits of interpersonally engaging with strangers – not just as a therapist, but as a person.   Sometimes people provide the feedback of how nice it must be to help others, but this observation of therapy doesn’t exactly fit with my experience or conceptualization either. Many people may actually enter the profession with this noble goal of helping others, but this expectation also likely leads to a lot of burnout. The onus is not ...

As I anxiously awaited an interview last week, I thumbed through the Psychology Today magazine lying next to me in the waiting area. As I perused the table of contents, one topic in particular stood out to me - “What Happy People Do Differently.” The gist of the article is that happy people are “curious” and uninhibited by anxiety. It was ironic that I selected this article of all articles as I was processing and attempting to manage my own anxiety. Similar to the very experience that I found myself in as I read the article, I realized that most truly exceptional experiences in my life resulted from a combination of intense nervousness and overwhelming excitement. I remember when I first walked across North Campus at the University of Georgia and feared I would be one of the many to lose my HOPE scholarship or worse yet, fail out of school – but I was also filled with an abundance of joy and excitement provided by the opportunity just to be there. Similarly, I was scared and excited...

Have you ever observed how young girls in elementary school seem more confident and outgoing than older females...Sort of like they are more free and courageous? For example, my 6 year old niece Mollie (see picture) visited a month ago, and I heard her yelling to the neighborhood boys, “what are ya’ll a bunch of lazies, why don’t you come play with me?!” As little girls, some of us are not even deterred by the thought of doing something alone if we really want it…For example, I wanted to ice skate from the first time I read a book about Kristi Yamaguchi and watched her skate in the Olympics. Finally, my parents decided to take me, and I skated from 5 p.m. to closing all alone because I loved it so much. I did not seem to mind what people thought as I clumsily fell multiple times, nor did I care that I was alone for the duration of my skate. I’m not really sure what I was thinking at the time (because that was about 20 years ago), but I suspect that I was just “...

I adore how having a child brings up happy memories from childhood that haven't crossed my mind in the past 20+ years...This morning my memory was triggered by observing how parents always seem to have an "amount" to describe how much they love their children - for example: "to the moon and back" or "to the heavens." When contemplating how I could quantify my love for Hadleigh this morning, I recalled mom's daily statement to me as a little girl "I love you like a hog loves slop!" For anyone who has grown up on a farm or had hogs - you know that's an incredible amount! I realize it may not be transferable to my daughter growing up in the city, but it meant the world to me as a child ------- this memory also reminded me of the day mom made a carrot cake, which didn't exactly turn out. As a young mom, she decided to turn her mistake into a fun time for the kids, so we put candles in the cake, took it to the pig pin in the back yard...