Body Image - Would you choose to fight a war that is impossible to win?


This weekend I attended a presentation titled “How to Let Go of Your Struggle with Body Image” by Dr. Emily Sandoz, and I would like to share my cliffs notes and commentary on the information she provided. First, it was a great presentation, and I would encourage others to see her in person if given the opportunity or to read her book Living with Your Body and Other Things You Hate.

Dr. Sandoz talked about the experience of living in our bodies and more importantly the experience of living in a body that often feels out of control. She shared experiences of having fever blisters (I love a little self-disclosure that makes a presentation more personable...). She also discussed more generally acne/other skin issues, how the body naturally changes during adolescence (the weight increase that has to occur in order to go through puberty), how mothers experience the sagging effect after nursing a child, and other changes that occur with age (wrinkles, etc)…
Dr. Sandoz provided a helpful explanation of why we obsess so much about our looks and how this negatively impacts our emotional functioning by asking how we would feel if other parts of our lives similarly changed over night? For example, what if we woke up and our career path was dramatically different or what if our relationships seemed as out of control as our appearance? That would be pretty difficult to deal with if you think about it…
The point of the talk that I appreciated the most was the comparison between the battle of body image and the true definition of winning a battle. Dr. Sandoz pointed out that winning a battle occurs when you no longer have to fight, and when you are able to lay down your weapons. In the case of body image:

·         This war continues on and does not end

·         This war cannot be won

·         The costs are much too high

Dr. Sandoz, utilizing an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) framework, encourages you to recognize that this “enemy” is not truly an “enemy.” ACT provides an opportunity to see past the evaluations of our body/appearance without having to do anything about it…an opportunity to know ourselves differently…to look at ourselves with curiosity and openness without judgment…to be in the present without hopes of changing ourselves to be more acceptable to others in the future.

Our brains truly are amazing in all the ways that they allow us to think, reason, and protect ourselves…but what if we sometimes give our brains a little too much credit and believe the negative thoughts we think without question? How would your life be different if you didn’t attach to these negative thoughts?

·         Would you be more available in conversations without being self-focused?

·         Would you spend more time with your friends/family – perhaps less time focused on yourself?

·         Would you spend more time pursuing hobbies, sports, or your career?

·         Would you do more for others and have greater involvement in causes outside of yourself?

Take a moment and think about the fact that we are all aging, our bodies are also perhaps beginning to lose the form they once had, and this is only going to continue to happen…

I’ll be honest, as I type these words, images of wrinkle creams and running marathons to fight the aging process enter my mind (because this is the society we live in), but what if I choose to let those thoughts simply pass? What if I choose instead to ACCEPT that aging is a part of life, that it does not define my value as a person, and that I can choose to be present in this moment of my life without wanting to change myself or prevent the change that will naturally occur? It’s a freeing concept…and more likely to contribute to feelings of joy and happiness than my efforts to control what is in reality out of my hands.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transforming Political Challenges into Purpose - (Conflict is not always bad)

 My Personal Statement for Duke Divinity Masters Program - Due Date November 1st! I grew up in a small Baptist church in rural North Georgia, where Sundays were a blend of potluck casseroles and occasional Sunday School lectures on how my goals of pursuing a career instead of mothering seemed “selfish.” Similar to how my opinion on mothering changed, my spirituality also evolved over the years. I learned early how sometimes our struggles in life become the milestones that shape our journey. One of my earliest spiritual memories is of sitting in the church fellowship hall, watching a video series based on Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life. At the time, I was an adolescent struggling with depression and disordered eating. Twenty years ago, the stigma of mental health issues was much more pronounced, and I interpreted my issues as moral failings: evidence that I was not praying hard enough, believing deeply enough, or living righteously enough. In that context, Warren’s message—t...
Read more

My Daughter’s thoughts on the divorce and reunification

Image
 Hadleigh said, “I’m like you, mom, because I like to write. The difference is that you write when you’re happy, and I write when I’m sad…” Hadleigh (age 12) wrote the following: The Quilt (about the divorce) and How They Patched It (about reunification) ~ The quilt   By Hadleigh Pileski    I felt sad, upset, betrayed, and more than anything confused. My heart was about to burst out of my chest. My jaw was going to fall off my face. I had nothing to say, and even if I did, I had no way of explaining what a terrible nightmare I was in. At that moment, it was as if I could feel every grain of wood on the bench I was sitting on, or I could recite each name of spice from the floating aroma coming from the kitchen, yet I could still hear the leaves turning at the site of fall. Somehow, with just a few words the world found a key to open a door to put all of its weight  on my shoulders, and I couldn't seem to get it off.     One hour earlier,...
Read more

The Washing Machine Years

Image
My last blog post was back in 2020. I think that speaks to the impact of COVID and the aftermath of everything else that resulted. Since 2020, it’s felt like I’ve been on the wash cycle and unable to come up for air, but I told my partner (my ex-husband) that I’ll know I am “better” when I start writing again. Maybe it can also give me some clarity about what exactly happened in my life that I’m still struggling to understand. COVID, first off, made us all feel like the world as we knew it was changing and uncertain. Two of my family members died by suicide that year, and I recognized that I was probably entering the hormonal phase of perimenopause. In an effort to find some degree of control in my life, I set out to open a non-profit mental health clinic. My caseload was too extensive for me to handle alone, and I wanted to do more for the county to expand mental health services and prevent other families from experiencing the loss of loved ones due to untreated depression.  For...
Read more