Meandering Thoughts of a Psychologist

Recently, something caused me to question if my stance on the topic of eating/exercise comes across in the same way that more rigid religious beliefs are shared. It made me think about my mom and what a devout Christian woman she is, but also how she leads by example versus pushing her views on others. This made me see that perhaps I should simply continue to live my life by example rather than trying to change how others feel about food and exercise. This reflection helped me to better understand those who are passionate about sharing their religious convictions with others. I similarly feel that the topics of body acceptance/mindful eating saved and changed my life for the better, and I do not want others to experience the isolation, anxiety, self-hatred (I could go on and on) that go along with eating issues. I now understand a little bit more about why people may be so pushy about religious views if they similarly feel religion transformed their lives and healed their suffer...

This morning in the Starbucks line I noticed a woman with two small children standing behind me. The kids were elbow deep in the partial cooler and pulling out vanilla and chocolate milk boxes…the same kind my daughter loves. As the woman turned sideways to offer a reminder “cold milk or hot chocolate, you only get one,” I noticed her pregnant belly and put together outfit – a modest flowing shirt and sweater over leggings, with a bohemian style, matching necklace. She was really beautiful but not in the stereotypical super thin model kind of way…but more because of her style, the way she carried herself with confidence, and how calmly she directed her children as if they were on a fieldtrip from school. I enjoy thinking about what people might be feeling or thinking as I observe them waiting to order at Starbucks or checking-out at the grocery store. I wonder if this woman's thoughts are focused on the present moment – reflecting on how excited her children are j...

In the field of psychology and within social justice advocacy, we talk about different types of privilege (white privilege, male privilege, etc), but seldom do we ever hear the term thin privilege. Similar to race, sexual orientation, and gender – we actually have very little control over our weight. Like intelligence scores, our body weights fall within the bell curve – mostly near average with some people being larger and smaller. I think it’s helpful to think about genetic set point range in weights as similar to dog breeds. An English Mastiff is never going to have the body of a boxer. Yes, there are somewhat larger/smaller dogs within each breed, but overall genetics set the course.                 Within our society, weight bias is common. Most individuals know that it is not okay to make racist, gender biased, or homophobic comments – but for some reason people think it is completely okay to comment about a perso...

I wanted to provide a few links that support topics discussed in my blog. If you doubt that we have a genetic set point range or that the sensory specific satiation principle exists, please check out the links below. I hope this information helps you understand why the current approach to diet and exercise in our culture is NOT helpful! Mind Over Milkshake   Why Dieting Doesn't Usually Work  

As I boarded a flight to Chicago this morning, my thoughts turned to the recent missing plane incident in Malaysia. I am unable to articulate what I felt, but it was much more unsettling than anything I’ve experienced while boarding a plane in the past. Sure I’ve had a few fleeting thoughts of what could happen as a result of entrusting my life to a flight crew and a plane, but it’s never really bothered me before. Even directly following 9/11 or after the plane crashed into a home only miles away from where I lived in Buffalo, I was not phased. The logical part of my brain, of course, reassured me that the one hour flight from Baltimore to Chicago was not a major risk…but why this strange preoccupation. Then I realized, it must be the uncertainty. Uncertainty is inherently a part of life, but also perhaps the greatest source of fear. Why is it that not knowing the fate of those traveling on flight 370 is more upsetting than having factual knowledge about several other ...

As a reformed perfectionist, I still sometimes wake up overwhelmed by the obligations of my day. As my eyes open each morning, my mind swarms with thoughts…What time do I need to be at the office? How many clients do I have scheduled today? Where should I take my 2 year old to play today? Should I empty the dishwasher or fold the clothes? Should I take the dog for a walk or try to make a cycling class at the gym?...Overwhelmed and exhausted by my thoughts, I usually want to crawl back under the covers, but luckily I’ve found an approach to coping with this experience that is both motivating and fulfilling. When we change the question from “what should I do” to “what I’m able to do,” and we begin to see life as an opportunity rather than an obligation – it feels like a completely different experience. We tell ourselves that we have to worry about these things in order to be “productive” when in reality the worry takes the joy out of activities that could be fun. Life often does not...

When most people think of talk therapy, they likely conjure up thoughts about Carl Rogers’ non-directive, humanistic approach. This is what my brother refers to when he suggests that as a psychologist, I just repeat back what clients say to me…Essentially, unconditional positive regard involves “showing complete support and acceptance of a person no matter what that person says or does.” On one hand, I totally agree and very much identify as a humanistic psychologist because I am accepting and supportive of my clients regardless of what they say or do. I think this gets tricky, however, in what this actually looks like in therapy. As a graduate student, I took this to mean listening with empathy and remaining as much of a “blank slate” as possible. I now understand this to mean continuing to be empathic, but also providing feedback about how I feel while interacting with clients. The interpersonal process approach to therapy suggests that whatever is happening in the therapy...

​In life, individuals generally live in one of two camps. We either live in avoidance of our fears or live with a mission to achieve our values. It may seem as if it is possible to do both, but in reality it is not. Fears (e.g. fear of inadequacy/failure and the fear of disappointment/judgment from others) prevent us from living our purpose. Fear distracts us from our purpose by suggesting we are not good enough to achieve our values. When we feel inadequate, we search for evidence that we are somehow superior to our peers - which becomes the distraction. We as women often divide ourselves into groups, and this makes sense from an evolutionary perspective (think survival of the fittest and making sure that your "group" continues on) --- the problem is that we are no longer fighting for our survival and instead stepping upon one another (not to survive), but rather to make ourselves feel better. Th...

After watching the Princess Diana movie yesterday, I’ve been thinking about her behavior and how someone in the psychology field might diagnose her. Diana was known to have a history of bulimia and self-injury (cutting behavior), and in the movie she demonstrated what appeared to be some manipulative behaviors and even described herself as “stalking” a partner at one point. On the flip side, Diana was also known to be one of the most empathic, loving, and generous women in the world. This complex assessment of an individual – someone who would likely be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but also having a Mother Teresa type influence...is an interesting dichotomy for sure. While in graduate school, I really enjoyed the conversations I had with Dr. Cook-Cottone, my mentor. Two conversations I had with her helped me to maybe understand Princess Diana’s story a little better. First of all, I remember that Dr. Cook-Cottone refrained from diagnosing individuals with ...

I asked my husband (via email) the following question about my blog this morning on the challenges of eating disorder recovery: "Do you think my blog I posted today was too personal? I wanted to give an accurate account of recovery...for me anyway." His response: "I think this blog is supposed to be however you want it to be.  If voicing your opinion about things you will need to avoid helps you with coping, then I think you were right in writing what you did.  This blog is a sounding board, and a tool that you have created to help yourself, as well as help others.    You have an amazing perspective that I can never truly understand, but can only hope to help you to the best of my abilities during our journey together.  I am always here for you, and I have come to understand that while I feel I know you inside and out, I can only know you from the point at which we met, and forward. I will never be able to understand what pain and trauma you have expe...

In the past 6 years of being what I refer to as “fully recovered” from an eating disorder, I have been fortunate. My thoughts about my body and my eating habits have been positive – more positive than I ever thought possible. Recovery for everyone looks different, but my final phase of being “fully recovered” vs. being in "recovery" was defined by my view of exercise. I began to finally understand exercise as a means to move, celebrate, and strengthen my body rather than a way to control it. My husband made a comment tonight during dinner that briefly caused me to question all of this and scared the hell out of me to be perfectly honest…not because of the specific content of his message, but because of the way my mind twisted this information into something unhealthy. Our brains become wired a certain way as a result of things that we think over and over again…oftentimes triggered by a combination of our environments (society’s influence/family influence) and genetics (per...

My 31 st Birthday is this Friday, and so it seems like a perfect time for a little self reflection – a glimpse back at my life over the years and who I’ve become.   As women, we tend to struggle with growing older…what that looks like…what that means. Last Saturday night, as we gathered with some neighbors for a little happy hour, I was reminded of what life was like in my 20s. As I sat with my daughter bouncing on my lap, a few couples who are friends with our neighbors joined the crowd. The girls were beautiful – the typical kind of socially prescribed beauty – long thin legs, short dresses, high heels, long Blonde flowing hair. The kind of women that make you want to cover your husband’s eyes. We stayed for a short while and then left to attend a local high school’s booster club silent auction, and we said our goodbyes to the young crew who planned to later depart on a party bus to Washington, D.C. for the evening. On occasions like this, the thoughts that were fore...

  This absolutely breaks my heart --- can we all just agree that the war on childhood obesity has gone too far?! These are children and the fact that Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta thought this was okay to advertise absolutely disgusts me! I support a “healthy” approach to living, but this does not include shaming individuals for their size – ESPECIALLY CHILDREN! Isn’t there enough bullying in schools without ads like these encouraging children to judge others based on their physical appearance?! NEWS FLASH parents – it is absolutely normal for children to gain weight prior to puberty – and it is ABSOLUTELY NOT HEALTHY to encourage children to diet. If you are concerned about your child’s weight, encourage moderate exercise (3 days per week) and increase intake of fruits and vegetables. DO NOT tease them about their weight and DO NOT encourage dieting! Children should not grow up fearing the consequences of eating pizza, desserts, and other high calorie foods....

The purpose of this blog is not to criticize social media, but rather explore how increased social networking affects body image. First, I must disclose that I am an avid user of Facebook – it’s a great way to keep up with my family and friends around the world. It can be a wonderful way to advocate for positive body image, diversity appreciation, and other issues I feel passionate about. Facebook also provides somewhat of a journal to document the important (and not so important) points in my life. There are many other positive benefits I’m sure, and it is possible that it could actually help women develop a more positive body image by showing real images of women rather than photo shopped/air brushed images we see in the media…but I’m also considering the downside… 1.        Quest to “post” or “tag” perfect pics Do we become fearful of posting images that capture joyful laughter or funny expressions due to fear of appearing less attractive? Most o...