What do you find sweet in life?

This morning in the Starbucks line I noticed a woman with two small children standing behind me. The kids were elbow deep in the partial cooler and pulling out vanilla and chocolate milk boxes…the same kind my daughter loves. As the woman turned sideways to offer a reminder “cold milk or hot chocolate, you only get one,” I noticed her pregnant belly and put together outfit – a modest flowing shirt and sweater over leggings, with a bohemian style, matching necklace. She was really beautiful but not in the stereotypical super thin model kind of way…but more because of her style, the way she carried herself with confidence, and how calmly she directed her children as if they were on a fieldtrip from school.

I enjoy thinking about what people might be feeling or thinking as I observe them waiting to order at Starbucks or checking-out at the grocery store. I wonder if this woman's thoughts are focused on the present moment – reflecting on how excited her children are just over the opportunity to pick out milk or how content she is with the changing shape of her body as it prepares to deliver another child. Then I think she is probably much more likely to be stressing about how to wrangle these two children through the Fresh Market next door…whether or not her pre-pregnancy clothes are too tight, or how there is no time to clean the house and make dinner tonight…or maybe how she will not be able to complete the Pinterest projects she hoped to finish this week. I wonder if she views herself with the same type of admiration that I experience when watching her from a few feet away.

We often spend so much time focusing on what we “need” to do, how we hope to look, what we hope to accomplish, or how we want our lives to appear…but all this distracts us from the joy of living. Life is actually quite short, and it is important to ask ourselves each day if we are fully living – mindfully taking in all the sweet moments and the challenges that form the stories of our lives.

In my last days on this earth, I will not be saying “I wish I spent more time on the treadmill…or making Pinterest crafts…or cooking gourmet meals.” I want to be clear; some people really love to run – not for the purpose of changing their bodies or pleasing others. Similarly, some really love to make Pinterest crafts and others like to cook – and that is all wonderful if those activities are what you deem truly sweet in life. If, however, you are neglecting yourself in the service of pleasing others, you may want to examine this further.

It may be helpful to imagine: if you achieved everything you wanted to achieve, looked exactly the way you wanted to look, and received all the approval from others you desired – what would your daily life look like? Imagine if you lived in accordance with this each day, how would your life be different?

We often think that acting on such a thought would result in reckless behavior and unfortunate consequences, but the truth is that when we strip away all the “I need to…” and “I should…,” we naturally desire and have a greater appreciation for connection with others and positive contribution.

But then again, maybe this is just my Adlerian belief about the human condition…

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transforming Political Challenges into Purpose - (Conflict is not always bad)

 My Personal Statement for Duke Divinity Masters Program - Due Date November 1st! I grew up in a small Baptist church in rural North Georgia, where Sundays were a blend of potluck casseroles and occasional Sunday School lectures on how my goals of pursuing a career instead of mothering seemed “selfish.” Similar to how my opinion on mothering changed, my spirituality also evolved over the years. I learned early how sometimes our struggles in life become the milestones that shape our journey. One of my earliest spiritual memories is of sitting in the church fellowship hall, watching a video series based on Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life. At the time, I was an adolescent struggling with depression and disordered eating. Twenty years ago, the stigma of mental health issues was much more pronounced, and I interpreted my issues as moral failings: evidence that I was not praying hard enough, believing deeply enough, or living righteously enough. In that context, Warren’s message—t...
Read more

My Daughter’s thoughts on the divorce and reunification

Image
 Hadleigh said, “I’m like you, mom, because I like to write. The difference is that you write when you’re happy, and I write when I’m sad…” Hadleigh (age 12) wrote the following: The Quilt (about the divorce) and How They Patched It (about reunification) ~ The quilt   By Hadleigh Pileski    I felt sad, upset, betrayed, and more than anything confused. My heart was about to burst out of my chest. My jaw was going to fall off my face. I had nothing to say, and even if I did, I had no way of explaining what a terrible nightmare I was in. At that moment, it was as if I could feel every grain of wood on the bench I was sitting on, or I could recite each name of spice from the floating aroma coming from the kitchen, yet I could still hear the leaves turning at the site of fall. Somehow, with just a few words the world found a key to open a door to put all of its weight  on my shoulders, and I couldn't seem to get it off.     One hour earlier,...
Read more

The Washing Machine Years

Image
My last blog post was back in 2020. I think that speaks to the impact of COVID and the aftermath of everything else that resulted. Since 2020, it’s felt like I’ve been on the wash cycle and unable to come up for air, but I told my partner (my ex-husband) that I’ll know I am “better” when I start writing again. Maybe it can also give me some clarity about what exactly happened in my life that I’m still struggling to understand. COVID, first off, made us all feel like the world as we knew it was changing and uncertain. Two of my family members died by suicide that year, and I recognized that I was probably entering the hormonal phase of perimenopause. In an effort to find some degree of control in my life, I set out to open a non-profit mental health clinic. My caseload was too extensive for me to handle alone, and I wanted to do more for the county to expand mental health services and prevent other families from experiencing the loss of loved ones due to untreated depression.  For...
Read more