My Hope for the Future



​In life, individuals generally live in one of two camps. We either live in avoidance of our fears or live with a mission to achieve our values. It may seem as if it is possible to do both, but in reality it is not. Fears (e.g. fear of inadequacy/failure and the fear of disappointment/judgment from others) prevent us from living our purpose.

Fear distracts us from our purpose by suggesting we are not good enough to achieve our values. When we feel inadequate, we search for evidence that we are somehow superior to our peers - which becomes the distraction. We as women often divide ourselves into groups, and this makes sense from an evolutionary perspective (think survival of the fittest and making sure that your "group" continues on) --- the problem is that we are no longer fighting for our survival and instead stepping upon one another (not to survive), but rather to make ourselves feel better. Think about recent social media wars (e.g. career mothers explaining how hard it is to have a "real" job and be a mother, stay at home moms complaining about how career moms aren't present for their families, women of larger size commenting that Jennifer Lawrence has no business criticizing the media about the "thin ideal" because she is too skinny, regular moms criticizing the exercise mom for caring more about her body than her children).

I personally think this phenomenon begins with early adolescence when young girls become insecure about their bodies and even less certain about the outcome of using their voices to assert their opinions (and voila - mean girl, passive-aggressive clicks are born). This is why we see females younger and younger battling more significantly with their weight, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and other issues. We have a crisis on our hands, and I don't think we as women can blame this on men. We are waging war on our own bodies and one another, and our daughters are learning from us to do the same.

Now that we have won the right to vote and the ability to pursue careers outside the home, it is time for a new wave of feminism. I believe we need a movement that supports ambition and passion among all women - a movement that suggests we are all more than our achievements, more than mothers, and more than our appearance. I personally want my daughter to grow up in a world where she defines her own success based on what she values.

Validation and approval from others may feel good temporarily, but it is inherently unfulfilling...and we as women are left looking for the next boost (e.g. weight loss, a promotion at work, etc.) --- Connection with others, however, is an endless well of fulfillment, and contribution to this world stands long after we as individuals have been forgotten.

My hope for my future, our future, and my daughter's future is based on Adlerian and Acceptance and Commitment Theories. Basically, I believe there are 3 basic needs of all individuals - the need to: Connect, Contribute, and Feel Capable - 3 things that we as women can do together. Additionally, we can accept that it is normal to have thoughts and feelings focused on competition, judgment (of ourselves and others), and selfishness - but ultimately we can instead commit to living a life of meaning and purpose.

I hope to grow my LeanIn Baltimore Group of female professionals and combine this effort with my work for the non-profit EDN (Eating Disorder Network of Maryland) to create not simply a more positive "body image" but a new "female image" that empowers both girls and women to live with purpose.

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