Fear of the Unknown

As I boarded a flight to Chicago this morning, my thoughts turned to the recent missing plane incident in Malaysia. I am unable to articulate what I felt, but it was much more unsettling than anything I’ve experienced while boarding a plane in the past. Sure I’ve had a few fleeting thoughts of what could happen as a result of entrusting my life to a flight crew and a plane, but it’s never really bothered me before. Even directly following 9/11 or after the plane crashed into a home only miles away from where I lived in Buffalo, I was not phased. The logical part of my brain, of course, reassured me that the one hour flight from Baltimore to Chicago was not a major risk…but why this strange preoccupation. Then I realized, it must be the uncertainty.

Uncertainty is inherently a part of life, but also perhaps the greatest source of fear. Why is it that not knowing the fate of those traveling on flight 370 is more upsetting than having factual knowledge about several other tragic plane crashes. This reflection caused me to think a bit more deeply about the brain, its need to organize information, and the anxious arousal that results from not being able to instantly categorize data. We have an intense desire to know the facts, analyze information, predict outcomes, and make decisions…but the truth is that life is generally unpredictable. We don’t know how long we have on this earth, we are uncertain of how relationships will develop or unravel, and as much as we try to work toward success – much of our success depends on variables that are outside of our control. My apologies if this reality evokes feelings of anxiety, but my intention is to prompt quite the opposite. Rather than fear, I hope this highlights the serenity that comes from accepting this reality…accepting the reality that discomfort and uncertainty are a part of the human condition.

When we accept this reality, we are freed up to move toward our purpose and meaning. We are not afraid of failure, inadequacy, disappointment, or heartache – the things others spend a life time fighting against. Freeing up this energy also allows us to be open to experiences and relationships, and inspired to take risks that can be a springboard for living more fulfilling lives.  Schools are now moving toward encouraging resilience rather than focusing exclusively on test scores because ultimately the ability to face challenges, learn from mistakes, and embrace uncertainty are greater predictors of success.

In essence, our brains are amazing and complex, but also limiting if we fail to listen to additional guidance from our souls…the intuitive part of ourselves that is not directed by logic and pain avoidance. Experiencing pain is ultimately a blessing because you learn not to be fearful, you learn to have faith that there is meaning in all experiences – both pain and joy. You learn to be curious, open, and courageous – (and that in my opinion is the truest form of success).

I met with two amazing young women this week – Mary and Elizabeth from The Pretty Girl Revolution (http://theprettygirlrevolution.com/) who have chosen to be bold and follow their passion to change this world in a positive way. We had a long discussion about the empty promises of success that our society promotes through the encouragement of advanced degrees (Don’t get me wrong – higher education taught me a great deal, but I don’t think it’s necessary nor sufficient as a predictor of true success). We focus a lot on achievement in our society rather than encouraging young people to pursue what is intrinsically motivating. I’m glad these women are following their passion and encouraging others to do the same. Kudos Mary and Elizabeth!

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