The Silver Lining…Why Caring about Relationships can be Conducive to Success for Women in the Workplace

I heard a segment on NPR the other day about women in the workplace. The segment suggested women commonly end up selling themselves short by “settling” in their careers. For example, women supposedly stay in jobs because of dedication to co-workers and their boss. Also, women feel as though they are compensated with maternity leave and owe loyalty in return. In comparison, men commonly request more compensation for their work and have no problem abandoning a job for a better opportunity. ---- (per report from NPR)
My husband, Matt, scoffed about how my actions totally mapped onto the stereotype of women in the workplace because I recently informed my boss about a few other job opportunities I have. Matt said I could be hurting myself by trying to help out, which he considered an idiotic concept…he didn’t say this, but his facial expression said it all…
Well, I thought about it and considered - maybe this concern for how my actions impact others is not conducive to my goal of being successful and providing for my family…then the negative spiraling thoughts began – how can I help other women with assertiveness and career decisions if my own actions are not helpful. Thankfully, my years of working with clients helped me to restructure my negative cognitions before I ended up on my own therapist’s couch in tears.
 I thought there has to be an “everything in moderation works” lesson here… assertiveness – the point of moderation between being passive and aggressive - could be the answer to addressing my interests and the interests of my boss. As my employment termination day was fast approaching (which I thoughtfully provided to assist with transitioning a new counselor before the fall rush) – I started to buy into my husband’s belief that I made a bad decision, which could be detrimental to our family...(the crushing realization that I could be wrong in addition to hurting our finances).
Then, today – the silver lining appeared – my boss approached me about working part-time while I continue to build my private practice. Hallelujah, I was right! Had I waited to leave due to being overwhelmed with private practice and a full-time job, my boss likely would not offer this option.
The Point:
1)      Trust yourself
2)      Be Assertive (not the feminine trait of being “passive” or masculine trait of being “aggressive” – according to NPR...Note: I DO NOT agree, nor endorse these gender stereotypes)
3)      Do Not Fear Conflict – avoidance will only increase your anxiety (as I learned in the weeks prior to informing my boss about my plans)
4)      Live by your own rules – what you think of yourself and whether or not you live up to your own values is what truly matters…It’s not about the opinions of others – you live with your own thoughts every day – it’s YOUR story of YOUR life, so write a good one!

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