A Topic of Controversy…but a Message of Importance - HOPE


In my opinion (and again this blog is only my opinion), there is much more similarity between the differences in religions and spirituality than most people want to acknowledge. As a psychologist, I have to pause before speaking on the topic of religion publicly. In therapy I never broach this subject unless it is initiated by the client…and even in those cases, my own belief system is not disclosed. I’m still new to this whole blog idea, so I’m trying to figure out the purpose of it…and this is what I’ve decided…

1. It’s just my thoughts influenced by the lens through which I view the world

2. My conceptualization of the world is greatly influenced by my psychological training, but – as with all people, I cannot ignore the cultural impact of my upbringing

A blog, at least the way I am using it – is a compilation of my daily thoughts and reflections. It’s Sunday, and I attended church this morning, so that means this blog is going to be an attempt to bridge my professional and personal thoughts…not an easy task, so please be forgiving of my shortcomings.

I was raised a southern Baptist in the Bible belt, so I’m sure this is conjuring up all sorts of ideas for most of you – screaming preachers, snake handling, and people running up and down the isle of a church “moved” by the holy spirit. This was not the case – I was raised in a small country church in the north Georgia Mountains. I was a “G.A.” – I think that stood for “Girls in Action,” so I went to church camp at Camp Pinnacle every summer, and Church (at least for me) was a very happy place. Of course, there were teachings about how to live in a Christ like manner, but I did not feel shamed for being a human or making mistakes. It was a place I could go and receive a message of hope and reflect on how to live my life in healthy way. Most people seem to be turned off by the judgment and hypocrisy of the people within churches, but this is where the true message of religion has gotten lost as a result of our flawed attempts to influence others to believe what we believe. I relate the teaching of the Bible to the teaching of parents to young children. We all are informed of what is “right and wrong” by our parents, but as we grow older and our thinking expands, we are able to integrate our own thoughts with the “black and white” teachings from our parents. From a psychological sense, this can be understood in terms of Kohlberg’s model of moral development (see picture). Religion, or at least my conceptualization of religion and my own spiritual/religious development has followed a similar course – integrating the lessons I was taught as a child with my understanding of the world as an adult. I’ll refrain from judging those who do not use this approach because religion is personal and everyone deserves the right to understand and practice as they choose…

I learned from a friend a few years ago the importance of encouraging belief in something – be it religious, spiritual, or otherwise (as long as it provides hope, understanding, and meaning). I used to criticize my best friend’s belief in psychics (she is from India, Hindu, and very spiritual, but not religious). We both are Adlerian Psychologists by chance – and the only two with this theoretical orientation in our grad school cohort. We both make meaning of our lives and experiences through the lens of Adlerian Psychology. We believe that behavior is shaped and behavior is changed through the mechanisms identified by Alfred Adler. This is how we understand the hard things in life, how we maintain our own hope and hope in the ability of clients to change and live more fulfilling lives. One day when I was rolling my eyes at her most recent visit to Lily Dale (a city known for their psychics), she challenged my judgment by questioning the usefulness of Adlerian theory. Her point was that if it works for us as individuals, helps us understand and have hope – what does it matter if Adler had the whole world figured out or not? These are the kind of friends we all need – those that challenge us to re-evaluate our own belief systems…

I watched a video at church on the “Purpose Driven Life” as a teenager when I was struggling with something, and it gave me the hope of turning my struggle into something bigger than myself – into a positive way to impact this world. For me, I will always believe God had a hand in that, but whether others believe that or not – I don’t think they can question that the outcome has worked either way. Here I am, 13 years later writing a daily blog about the same stuff I care about – helping others.

So, back to my daily reflection – In church today, the sermon was on Luke 11.9

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

I attend an Episcopal church – affirming and accepting of all people – where the messages of hope are plenty and we are taught to reflect and improve our lives through inspiration rather than judgment. There are many more similarities between religion and psychology than most of us want to admit – I would, as a psychologist, encourage a client to consider the risks of substance abuse and having sex to fill a void similar to any priest. Back to Kohlberg’s model of moral development, however, these aspirations should be about a higher level of development (personal principles/social interest/) rather than based on “avoiding punishment” as we are first taught as children.

I needed to hear the lesson of Luke today, as I continue to struggle with my career indecision. Our well educated priest provided an inspiring and thought provoking commentary about the verse – that our prayers may not be answered in our time or how we expect, but the bottom line is a message of persistence. That is how I have gotten where I am and how I plan to keep moving forward.

The Point

  • Don’t judge or try to argue the spiritual beliefs of others – you will only frustrate yourself

  • Find something that will inspire feelings of hope inside you – be it religion, spirituality, yoga, or whatever else that may be

  • Digest the information you are given from others – be it your parents or religious/spiritual leaders – they are only people…just like you and me

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