The Hope of Something Better… (Some thoughts about Career Decisions, Relationships, and Eating Disorder Recovery)


First of all – Word to the parents who told us life is hard…IT TRULY IS HARD – this is not just one of the lectures about walking to school up hill both ways in the snow…              
As Matt and I talked on the train this morning, we began to discuss our financial situation, which sounded something like “worst case scenario – my private practice does not grow, there are no other employment options available for a psychologist…and I end up working at the Loft.”
It sounds like there is no silver lining right? It’s important not to “catastrophize,” but to examine your options considering the worst case scenario...So - worst case scenario, I have a Ph.D. and I’m working at a women’s clothing store…what is the upshot?

 #1) I could still make some money, but probably not enough to pay my student loans (oh well, take forbearance for another year until my private practice grows)….
#2: (How do I find a way to be fulfilled by using my strengths and interests?) – I do my body image work at the clothing store by encouraging women to find clothes that make them feel beautiful and continuing to educate women about how the media hurts all women
#3): I could start another free ANAD (Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) support group like the one I ran in Buffalo – a good way to contribute, feel fulfilled, and develop my reputation in private practice.
#4) I get a sweet discount on some cute clothes at the loft
It’s not looking so bad, right? – Even in the worst case…
The part I still struggle with is letting go of the SAFETY, SECURITY, and other aspects of my current job that I like…but there is THE HOPE OF SOMETHING BETTER…
This is an important phrase, which provides guidance in times of uncertainty…I can relate my current experience to romantic relationship issues and eating disorder recovery – 2 things I often help clients address….
Eating Disorders are often compared to an “abusive relationship” – abusive because they do in fact control you, distance you from others, and emotionally/physically harm you…today I want to relate my current career decision to eating disorder recovery and relationships in which there is THE HOPE OF SOMETHING BETTER....
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Relationships:
We’ve all had these relationships – for example:
·         The relationship is “good,” provides security (“I don’t have to be alone or face the possibility of being alone or never finding someone as good”)
·         “He (or she) has so much potential”
·         “He is a good person and would be a good provider”
·         “There is nothing wrong with him – anyone would be lucky to have him”
The one question, which can be helpful in making the decision about moving on or staying where you are:
Is there the HOPE OF SOMETHING BETTER?
--------------------------
Eating Disorders:
In the case of eating disorders, or maybe not even eating disorders – maybe just in cases where you fight the continuous battle of trying to control your weight. It’s difficult to let go of the
1)      RULES (only eat "healthy" foods)
2)      SHOULDS (I should exercise every day)
3)      Body checking/weighing myself (If I stop worrying, I will gain weight)   
Similar to the “comfortable relationship” and the "comfortable job," obsessive thoughts about food/weight/appearance provides a false sense of “safety” – it’s better than the unknown…
But, is there the HOPE OF SOMETHING BETTER?
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The Point:
There will always be unknowns –
1)      Will I find that awesome relationship or does that even exist? Or Will I end up alone and sad?

2)      Will I find happiness and freedom by giving up the stress of judging and trying to control my body? Will I lose control totally?

3)      Will I find a better job opportunity? Or will I derail my career forever?

My Advice (Even though psychologists don’t give advice, we just repeat back what you say...as I'm told by my brother)
1)      These are hard decisions, so validate that for yourself first of all!
2)      Learn to reward yourself and acknowledge your courage for taking the risks – this alone is progress and shows you are an adult and moving forward in your life.
3)      Focus on the small steps, the things that are in your control based on the information available to you at the time

This was my daily pep-talk to myself ---- another thing we should all do --- reframe the negative and talk to ourselves the way that we would encourage a friend.

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