Are We Selling Out By Asking for More?

A friend came over yesterday evening to discuss a job offer and conflicting feelings about leaving her current position. Similar to a lot of women, she reported worries about upsetting others and concerns that this position (start up business) may not offer the stability of her current job. On the other hand, a well-known doctor approached her about this business venture, and he expressed a desire to build a business where patient care and employee commitment is valued. My friend discussed the salary she was offered with her husband, calculated the amount of money she would need to compensate for student loan payments (working for a non-profit and having a lower salary currently has an advantage), and negotiated a much higher salary. Then she asked me “Are we selling out” as a result of seeking these higher paying career opportunities?  

This is something I also struggle with regarding my private practice. The fee I charge is not cheap, and I worry sometimes that the enjoyment I receive from my work will be reduced by turning it into a business. Both my friend and I are passionate about the work we do and question if it will mean as much if we profit from our efforts….Ladies, the world we live in today is not the same as it has been for women in the past. Yes, we have opportunities to achieve graduate degrees, but these degrees also carry a heavy burden of student loan debt (six digit student loan debt!). We look at our mothers and other female role models who help others for the sake of helping, and we too want to comply with our higher moral standards of giving back. As a result, we feel guilty and diminish our worth. We are also becoming equal financial contributors in our households, whereas many women in the past were relieved of this role. As a result this becomes a double edged sword – as partners we feel pressure to provide and as women we feel guilty for expecting higher compensation for our work.

It is also possible that rewards minimize intrinsic value...at some point in my educational history, I learned about a study which revealed that children who received an expected reward for their drawings spent less time drawing than those who received no reward or a surprise reward. Similarly, I enjoy writing every morning for the sake of writing, and I doubt I would like it as much if I felt pressured to do it for a fee.  

Cognitive Dissonance may play a role as well - There is a famous psychology research study (forgive me if I butcher the specifics…) in which participants are paid either $1 or $20 to complete a task. Then they are asked to rank how enjoyable they perceived the task to be. As a result of cognitive dissonance, the individuals who were paid only $1 reported the task to be more enjoyable. Is it possible that I love my work so much because my brain is trying to compensate for 10 years of school and the debt I acquired to perform this job?

Are we helpers or entrepreneurs? Can we be both and not feel guilty? My answer to this situation is similar to how I work with clients with eating disorders. They often want to enjoy exercising again, but recognize the danger of this behavior in relation to disordered eating. The question which provides the clearest answer is “What is the intention behind your action?”

The Point

I encourage you to ask yourself this same question and continue to reevaluate your intentions throughout your career–

·         Am I taking advantage of others for my own materialistic gain?

·         Do I still receive enjoyment and feel passionate about the work I do?

·         Is there another way I can give back and fulfill this need, while also asking for a fee I deserve in order to provide for my family