Meandering Thoughts of a Psychologist

A friend came over yesterday evening to discuss a job offer and conflicting feelings about leaving her current position. Similar to a lot of women, she reported worries about upsetting others and concerns that this position (start up business) may not offer the stability of her current job. On the other hand, a well-known doctor approached her about this business venture, and he expressed a desire to build a business where patient care and employee commitment is valued. My friend discussed the salary she was offered with her husband, calculated the amount of money she would need to compensate for student loan payments (working for a non-profit and having a lower salary currently has an advantage), and negotiated a much higher salary. Then she asked me “Are we selling out” as a result of seeking these higher paying career opportunities?   This is something I also struggle with regarding my private practice. The fee I charge is not cheap, and I worry sometimes that the enjoym...

  Today was one of those days…My daughter had to be changed as we were walking out the door, the gas light came as we drove to the train station – this results in a debate about whether or not it is more important that my husband be on time for work or for me to be on time for my job interview this afternoon. After Matt complied with my gas station request, I realized I forgot something else and had to return home after dropping him at the train station. Then I end up in a debate with myself over whether it makes more sense to drive into the city or take the train. I choose option A, which resulted in a traffic jam on 83…On top of this fabulous morning, I was also unable to prepare for my interview after a full day at work and 2 private practice clients last night...I’m feeling pretty hopeless, so how on earth do I begin to regroup?! 1.        Mindfulness – focus on breathing when all else fails (Mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) 2. ...

  “If you wanted to be perfect, you would be bagging groceries at the grocery store.” – This feedback was perhaps the most helpful thing anyone has ever said to me. A friend provided this comment to ease my concerns about the need to learn everything before completing my doctorate. He helped me understand that all young professionals doubt their abilities, and it is more helpful to conceptualize pursuing a challenging career as the real test of competence. There is ambiguity in every profession – this may be concerning to think about, but the very best doctors (experts in the field) do not always know the answers. We need to believe that doctors, lawyers, accountants, financial planners, professors, and others in positions of power know everything because we look to them for the answers ----but the fact is they are NOT PERFECT and do not know all the answers. If they claim they do, they are either lying or narcissistic and wrong. We are taught, however, in graduate school (this ...

In my opinion (and again this blog is only my opinion), there is much more similarity between the differences in religions and spirituality than most people want to acknowledge. As a psychologist, I have to pause before speaking on the topic of religion publicly. In therapy I never broach this subject unless it is initiated by the client…and even in those cases, my own belief system is not disclosed. I’m still new to this whole blog idea, so I’m trying to figure out the purpose of it…and this is what I’ve decided… 1. It’s just my thoughts influenced by the lens through which I view the world 2. My conceptualization of the world is greatly influenced by my psychological training, but – as with all people, I cannot ignore the cultural impact of my upbringing A blog, at least the way I am using it – is a compilation of my daily thoughts and reflections. It’s Sunday, and I attended church this morning, so that means this blog is going to be an attempt to bridge my professional a...

First of all, I want to discuss numbers…The numbers on a scale, a standardized test, and in our bank account can have a great deal of power over us…if we allow it. The Bank Account: Luckily, the bank account comparison has yet to impact my self-esteem because I live in a neighborhood of young people where we all commiserate about our mortgages, student loans, and lack of compensation for the work we do. Weight and Size As a woman, of course I fought the battle of negative thoughts associated with numbers on a scale and numbers inside the hem of my pants, but thankfully that’s a war I can confidently count as a victory. Numbers on Tests (associated with achievement) ---- I think I’m on the winning side of this war, but it has also been a difficult battle…I’ll start with the dreaded standardized test scores. I still remember sitting in Ms. Guthrie’s 2 nd grade class when I took my first standardized test. Across from me sat Tandi Vinson and to my right was Jacob Boudrea...

I heard a segment on NPR the other day about women in the workplace. The segment suggested women commonly end up selling themselves short by “settling” in their careers. For example, women supposedly stay in jobs because of dedication to co-workers and their boss. Also, women feel as though they are compensated with maternity leave and owe loyalty in return. In comparison, men commonly request more compensation for their work and have no problem abandoning a job for a better opportunity. ---- (per report from NPR) My husband, Matt, scoffed about how my actions totally mapped onto the stereotype of women in the workplace because I recently informed my boss about a few other job opportunities I have. Matt said I could be hurting myself by trying to help out, which he considered an idiotic concept…he didn’t say this, but his facial expression said it all… Well, I thought about it and considered - maybe this concern for how my actions impact others is not conducive to my goal of being...

First of all – Word to the parents who told us life is hard…IT TRULY IS HARD – this is not just one of the lectures about walking to school up hill both ways in the snow…                As Matt and I talked on the train this morning, we began to discuss our financial situation, which sounded something like “worst case scenario – my private practice does not grow, there are no other employment options available for a psychologist…and I end up working at the Loft.” It sounds like there is no silver lining right? It’s important not to “catastrophize,” but to examine your options considering the worst case scenario...So - worst case scenario, I have a Ph.D. and I’m working at a women’s clothing store…what is the upshot?   #1) I could still make some money, but probably not enough to pay my student loans (oh well, take forbearance for another year until my private practice grows)…. #2: (How do I f...