Meandering Thoughts of a Psychologist

Depression is often viewed as a condition of “sadness” by the general population, and I wish we could all move beyond this perception to help both individuals struggling with depression and their support systems understand the magnitude of the illness. Yes, gratitude and thinking positive can be helpful suggestions, but they sometimes make an individual with depression feel more guilty and responsible for their own suffering. In a depressive episode, an individual can feel a complete lack of motivation and energy . Simple tasks like showering can feel challenging, which is why personal hygiene can deteriorate in extreme cases. One of the most challenging symptoms of depression is the decline in cognition – the ability to prioritize tasks, make decisions, think competently at work, read and comprehend, and process information is diminished. Oftentimes and especially if the person has experienced past trauma, critical and almost paranoid intrusive thoughts emerge reinforcing your sen...

At the bottom of this post is a link to an old video I commonly use when working with girls and women on body image issues. At some point we have to grasp how being of a slender build, perceived as attractive, having a lighter skin pigment, born into wealthy families or with US citizenship, etc. are a genetic lottery win in our society that has been built to influence standards of beauty and success. The human brain is built to categorize information for ease of navigating our lives, but we are also blessed with higher order critical thinking skills to challenge the stereotypes, messaging, and systemic oppression that exists in this world. We are naive to think that our creator is not observing how these human influences are impacting our character and whether or not we are using our privileges to speak out to fight the oppression and injustice of others. In ancient times, people did not grasp why Jesus healed the gentiles and others outside of his Jewish race. They would've been a...

My take on the harm of using the terms “sin” and “spiritual warfare” comes from my experience of understanding addiction based on my lived experience with an eating disorder, extensive research, and clinical practice. When I say addiction, I am referring to emotional eating/"gluttony," substance abuse, sex addictions, and a variety of other process addictions. Recovery from an eating disorder only comes with a solid relapse prevention approach to normalizing the struggle with relapse as a part of the process to recovering, addressing guilt and shame with compassion, and treating the addiction in a multifaceted approach (psychology, psychiatry, support groups, spirituality, etc). I have treated and known a multitude (thousands) of people with eating disorders, and I don’t know a single one who has achieved solid recovery via reliance on prayer, spiritual practice, and “giving it to God” alone. I have only seen this method fail and cause more suffering. This is because it’s not...

I care very deeply about how the world is getting a polarized view of the Christian Faith and who Jesus was on this earth. This blog is for individuals who hear Christianity aligned with modern day politics and question why in the world individuals of sound mind would cling to the old testament scripture. Let me first say – I wrestle with it myself. In all honesty, I’ve wanted a church that follows the New Testament and specifically the Gospels. It’s obvious it was difficult even for the disciples of Jesus to decipher many of his teachings, so I try to stick to the specific (specific as possible with translations) words and actions of Jesus while on earth. To me, this makes the most sense considering my understanding of psychology and humanity and the tendency of humans to not report history without the influence of their own understanding and culture. God and Jesus are divine (people are not). I am, however, trying to understand the entirety of the Bible and explore whether or not the...

 My Personal Statement for Duke Divinity Masters Program - Due Date November 1st! I grew up in a small Baptist church in rural North Georgia, where Sundays were a blend of potluck casseroles and occasional Sunday School lectures on how my goals of pursuing a career instead of mothering seemed “selfish.” Similar to how my opinion on mothering changed, my spirituality also evolved over the years. I learned early how sometimes our struggles in life become the milestones that shape our journey. One of my earliest spiritual memories is of sitting in the church fellowship hall, watching a video series based on Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life. At the time, I was an adolescent struggling with depression and disordered eating. Twenty years ago, the stigma of mental health issues was much more pronounced, and I interpreted my issues as moral failings: evidence that I was not praying hard enough, believing deeply enough, or living righteously enough. In that context, Warren’s message—t...

  I took my 10-year-old daughter to six flags on Sunday. She and I love roller coasters, and her siblings aren’t as wild about them. It was a great day with minimal to no lines, and we arrived soon after the park opened. Our first ride was the Georgia Scorcher. This was an old favorite of mine, but one Maggie was afraid to try. She felt it was a little much for our first ride, but she enjoyed it. She selected each ride for the day based on the layout of the park. Georgia Scorcher, Mind Bender, Batman, Blue Hawk, Scream Machine, Superman…we couldn’t believe how short the lines were!               We stopped for an afternoon lunch break and my options were pretty limited considering my celiac disease, so I ended up with French fries and ice cream. I had to eat something, but I also knew this probably wasn’t the greatest idea because we hadn’t yet made it to the newer, more challenging rides. There were two on the list...

  As I waited on my number to be called at the Social Security office today, I contemplated my decision…my kids do have the name Pileski, and Matt and I are together, so should I reconsider this decision? I tend to go with the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy philosophy that we are either moving toward what we want or running/hiding/escaping that which we fear . Those questions I mentioned above are really more about fears like "might I later regret this decision" rather than focusing on why this name change is what I want. First off, I selected the new middle name, Helen, because it was my paternal grandmother’s name. She was a fierce, stubborn woman who was known well within the family for standing her ground. At her funeral, many people spoke of her strength, and somewhere it was written “Mama was a storm. Not the kind you run from, but the kind you chase after.” During the divorce, my depression convinced me I was a storm and perhaps not best for my children. Remember...

 I just met with my psychologist this morning, and we continue to piece together the events of my washing machine years. The things I have to say today are about my experience with depression and are not meant to reflect the underlying issues of patients of mine or others who struggle with depression. For me, I think my fear of mental illness has been the worst part both in my early years (when I suffered with an eating disorder) and in this most recent major episode over the last 5 years.               When I started struggling with depression as a teenager, it scared me. When I developed an eating disorder, I was convinced something was wrong with me, and I was not like other healthy people. I had an intense fear of mental illness because my maternal grandmother had schizophrenia and my paternal grandfather had debilitating depression. I saw how mental illness could takeover your life and interfere with literally ...

 Hadleigh said, “I’m like you, mom, because I like to write. The difference is that you write when you’re happy, and I write when I’m sad…” Hadleigh (age 12) wrote the following: The Quilt (about the divorce) and How They Patched It (about reunification) ~ The quilt   By Hadleigh Pileski    I felt sad, upset, betrayed, and more than anything confused. My heart was about to burst out of my chest. My jaw was going to fall off my face. I had nothing to say, and even if I did, I had no way of explaining what a terrible nightmare I was in. At that moment, it was as if I could feel every grain of wood on the bench I was sitting on, or I could recite each name of spice from the floating aroma coming from the kitchen, yet I could still hear the leaves turning at the site of fall. Somehow, with just a few words the world found a key to open a door to put all of its weight  on my shoulders, and I couldn't seem to get it off.     One hour earlier,...

  Today is my divorce-aversary – a full year since Matt and I walked into the courthouse separately and without speaking dissolved our marriage.   To celebrate, we are going to Charlotte this weekend to watch our favorite comedian, Taylor Tomlinson. We can learn a lot from comedians in how they take difficult life challenges and use humor to transform pain. For me, anger has been the most difficult challenge to overcome in divorce, and probably my ego if I’m honest. Matt’s unhealthy coping left me feeling like I was not enough and my thoughts led me to believe that perhaps he found what he was looking for in another woman. This still hurts me deeply when I think of time my children and Matt spent with someone else…but I’ve decided that I must do something to transform this trauma into post-traumatic growth and joy – because quite frankly, life is hard enough without feeling angry all the time. I’ve told Matt that I’m going to take a lesson from our favorite comedian and start ...