I Guess they would call this my spiritual calling?

 

Graduate students generally dislike the “grunt work” they are expected to do to support research, and I was no different. As a young woman in my twenties, I would much prefer completing my course work or focusing on my personal research dissertation. Afterall, I chose to go to school in the frozen tundra (Buffalo) to work under a specific professor doing eating disorder research, so I was unhappy at first with a portion of my graduate assistantship being assigned to a professor who studied social justice. Not only was this a content area that was not my personal passion, but I was expected to transcribe hour long interviews. I had a recording software that enabled me to listen to the interviews, repeat the words, and the program typed the content. This sounds easy enough, but the software was less technologically advanced at the time, and the tasks usually required me to follow along correcting paragraph by paragraph the words I spoke. I hated it at the time, but it really made me listen to and marinate on the stories shared by these social justice advocates. Many of them were like me - White, educated, heterosexual individuals who grew up in church. They, at some point, had experiences that led them to use their privilege to be brave, recognize and point out oppression suffered by marginalized groups of people, and advocate for change. They worked in communities to help underserved populations and fought for equality. Their stories and many of their Jesuit and other denominational backgrounds made me question some of my own views at the time. Hearing about systemic racism and how it affected communities while also providing therapy at the time to students sometimes wanting to end their lives because of sexual orientation gave me a window into the lives of others who are different from me, and not by choice. I started to think about some of my own personal struggles and how my Faith had always been a safety net when I wrestled with feelings of inadequacy. I always found comfort in my spiritual upbringing and belief that God made me exactly who he wanted me to be in this world.  

I thought long and hard about the struggles of communities mentioned by the social justice leaders. These communities of people were also created by God, in his image, but faced oppression and marginalization by our culture at large. It was a spiritual experience where I connected with the words of the advocates who were willing to risk their own discomfort to fight for equality of all humans without judgment. I thought this is spiritual work. This is the work of Jesus to practice compassion outside of one’s own comfort zone – to empathize with the humanity in others who are different or oppressed by society.

People say it’s hard to live a Christian life, but I disagree. To grow up in a community with people who only think like you and worship like you, to follow the rules and attend church with friends and have discussions with others all based on the same ideology, to hear the dominant scriptures of the Evangelical South and live in a country where your Christian Faith is dominant as the moral foundation: That was all easy, and I don’t think life is easy, so I don’t think Jesus called us to do the easy work of blending in. Living as a Christian in this context was easy, but allowing Jesus to guide my life was a spiritual commitment that exceeded anything taught in a book. Jesus created me and gave me experiences in my life that were also my teachers. Learning about social justice advocates living out the scripture of loving others and caring for all people, that’s what spoke to me. I knew as a 2O something year old woman that God was calling me to a specific type of mission work – to love and advocate for people other Christians might judge.

This was easy and fulfilling when I lived up North. I went to a church in Baltimore that lived out God’s message as a reconciling Methodist denomination, and even after moving home to GA – I found an equally loving congregation at Level Creek Methodist in Suwanee, but moving home to rural Georgia was a different story. Honestly, it made me question my Faith to once again be immersed in a community where White Christian Nationalism and MAGA politics dominated. For the last several years, I was honestly questioning whether I even wanted to use the label Christian because of the association with Christians in this area. My daughter, 13, still maintains that it’s hard for her to announce alignment with Christianity because of the ways of the Christians here.

After moving home to Rabun, I felt I almost had to choose between being a psychologist/social justice advocate and being a Christian because the values of these two groups are so starkly misaligned, but then I remembered those transcriptions from graduate school. I remember those Christian social justice advocates, I remember those Christians at Old Otterbein in Baltimore and at Level Creek in Suwannee – and I decided I don’t have to choose, and I can still be proud to be both. I can lead with my values of showing mercy, kindness, and love to others without having an opinion about the culture here. These people haven’t had the same experiences as me, they don’t hold the same education as me, and they likely don’t have exposure to people who are different. They’ve lived in the same bubbles their entire lives surrounded by other Christians with similar views – bless their hearts. BUT – there’s no reason to let their comments “go back to where you came from” or “you’re not a real Christian” have any power over me. It’s like the inner self-critic we all develop that we can just as easily learn to ignore. I’m no longer on a crusade to enlighten them. I’m here for the others – the people that have been harmed by church and society.

I believe in the reconciliation of all things. I can choose to reconcile my differences with conservative Christians without aligning with their views. I can love them and listen to their views and agree to disagree. I can get my master’s degree at Duke Divinity where I can continue to work on my own spiritual formation through the lens of appreciating and advocating for social justice. They can keep loving Donald Trump, and I can keep thinking he is a psychological and spiritual disaster. I can love my Faith and still stand firm in the separation of church and state. I can pray for them the same way they pray for us and our “lost souls.” You can’t talk butterfly language to caterpillars – it’s just the way life goes. Jesus felt the same way talking to the Pharisees, so why would this be any different. Reconciliation involves forgiveness, and I forgive the hurtful words spoken to me and the harm I perceive is done to others because I truly believe God will one day reconcile all things. I also take responsibility for how my political and religious views may stick in the crawl of others. It’s not a debate. The same as with the inner self-critic – it really isn’t about the views of others – it’s been an internal war with the culture that raised me and the Faith of an adult mind that has grown in relationship with Jesus Christ – and I’m just finally happy to feel peace and passion for my work as a psychologist and my life as a Christian. I can once again feel like I am the bright light of God’s reconciling work in this world.

Regarding politics and Christianity, we can share our values without arguing. I advocate for the marginalized and oppressed because Jesus instructs us to LOVE without exception. I advocate for a fuller more loving Christian Faith because I am a psychologist who is well aware of the religious harm resulting from no doubt some well-meaning Christians. God called me to be an advocate, and that is my purpose in this world. It's not a political slogan. It's who I am. 

A few weeks ago our pastor mentioned in her sermon that loving others as we're taught by Jesus may sometimes be at odds with our community or even others within a church congregation. I knew, finally, after 8 long years in Rabun I found my home. Every week she leads with God is good all the time, and we say in unison "and all the time God is good."

God is good, and I aim to do good in this world.

I love how Jesus spoke in parables to convey important messages. In Matthew 21:28-32 - Jesus uses a story to illustrate that true obedience comes from action, not just words, noting that tax collectors and sinners would enter the Kingdom of God before the religious leaders. 

A good message to marinate on...