Facebook, Friends, and Politics

A dear friend contacted me the other day with a question I could tell she was conflicted about based on the tone of her voice. I call her frequently to consult about cases, so I waited patiently in order to return the favor…despite the fact I was laying in bed with a stomach virus. The question turned out to be about a potential friendship split over politics. I’m not sure if it was the question so much or the virus again, but I had to excuse myself promptly. It’s been a few days and I’m just going to list the question and a few of my meandering thoughts below:

The Question: “Mandy, you encounter this a lot, so I’m needing your help. How do you remain friends with people who politically disagree with you? My husband and I have a couple we enjoy spending time with, but they didn’t even bother to register to vote?!”

Well, cut them out of your life, block them from your phones, and blackball them in your friends’ group! The tyrants! How dare they?!

In all seriousness, I do understand the discomfort you feel at the thought of this… If we’re all just honest for a minute, we feel an instant emotion based on either the party or person our friends support (either on facebook or in conversation). Unfortunately, many of us also experience a cascade of negative thoughts if someone informs us they are choosing to “not be political” or are “uninterested in politics.”

We have to remember, however, our brain is trying to dichotomously categorize people as “with us” or “against us.” I have to recognize that my personal disdain for Trump as a person based on his behavior and his words are not necessarily behaviors/words supported by all Republicans. Are there some, and perhaps even many, who support Trump because of a racist agenda? Absolutely – no doubt in my mind! But, are there some who support his economic agenda for our country but remain more socially progressive/liberal? I think so… (ultimately, I don’t know). I think most all of us want what is best for our families, and we just have different ideas of how to get there. Out of fear, some feel they are choosing their children over “others.” Many of us, however, know that if “others” are threatened, our own can be threatened as well. Many of us know how diversity in our friendships and professions make us better, and others lack that exposure. Why would we close ourselves off from these friendships if we truly want to contribute to and create a more diverse and accepting United States? They need our patience. They need our love. They need exposure to other ways of thinking.

We as the “progressives”/ “diversity loving liberals”/ and especially as psychologists seeking to challenge and overturn stereotypes and discrimination must learn to fight our own urges to stereotype. And when I say “diversity loving liberals” – don’t interpret that to mean condoning diversity of thoughts (like racism). What I mean is that there is a cultural difference in the South beyond race when it comes to the 2^nd Amendment and a strong desire to limit the Federal government/uphold States’ rights. The Constitution gives us an outline and fortunately now we have a Democratic House and a Republican Senate to work out some of these issues. It is my hope the 2nd Amendment will be protected, but with some "reasonable gun control" legislation despite strong liberal requests to revoke all gun use. It is also my hope the 14th amendment and birthright to citizenship will remain in place despite our nutty president's/Republican desire to change this. You see, not everyone falls clearly into a red or blue box.

In any difficult life situation or place where strong emotions are evoked, we have to ask ourselves – what purpose does this serve?

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      There is more voter engagement than ever before in a midterm election and that excites me about the next presidential election…thank you Trump

      
      Many of us (especially White privileged people) were previously able to be in denial about racism in our country – but this Presidency and the support of his leadership of our nation despite egregious actions have opened a lot of eyes. Thank you Trump and Kemp

      Whatever elections were lost last night, we know the democratic base is going to be even more energized and driven in the next round  

      We know where upcoming youth stand on these issues. There’s better/less biased education these days than in previous years. There’s more exposure to diversity that’s appreciated rather than rejected…

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      Look at the number of Women who won yesterday! We know women represent ½ the population and we know this diversity will contribute to a new path forward where compromise and bettering the lives of our children will be valued!

So, everyone – instead of getting mad or deactivating your facebook, get excited! We’re looking at a future where all voices will be heard and engaged. Remember to move toward what you want rather than allowing uncomfortable emotions to result in avoidance (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)! Talk about the issues that matter to you! Listen to what others care about. Move past the same old boring arguments. Educate yourself about bills that are going before your representatives and call them. Don’t just repost facebook memes or articles that are probably biased anyway. What do you care about?

#Grabembythemidterms      Congrats to our new leaders!