An Analogy to Explain Why Diet Culture is Unhealthy!



Toddlers are not the only ones tricked into choosing instant gratification over outcomes consistent with long-term values. Parents every day are tricked into maladaptive parenting because of this same choice, and I would argue most people in our society are duped into dieting for the same reason.

In responding to a client about how difficult it is to choose an approach (mindful/intuitive eating) that does not yield quick weight loss results, I finally thought of an analogy I hope struggling dieters can find helpful. 

As a mother of three, of course I’m choosing the example of parenting to examine more closely the relationship with food/exercise. First, you have the permissive parent (e.g. giving the kid a toy for the short-term gratification of not being embarrassed in the store), Second, there’s the authoritarian parent (high demands and low responsivenes; harsh parenting). Finally, and I would argue most effective, there is the authoritative, attuned parent (warmer, more communicative, asserting boundaries & logical consequences). As you can see below, there is a continuum & both the permissive and authoritarian parents get a short-term payoff. The permissive parent receives good behavior (IN THE MOMENT) because the child is pleased, but learns no limits. The authoritarian parent receives good behavior (IN THE MOMENT) because the kid learns to be fearful, but struggles to internalize values of discipline and secure attachment. The attuned, authoritative parenting approach is definitely the most difficult IN THE MOMENT because it takes time to teach and learn together, to find the tricky balance of attunement and boundaries. There will be meltdowns in the store (which do not meet the short-term gratification goals of us parents). The kid learns self-discipline, trust, warmth, dependability, security, etc. The long term value of raising responsible, mentally healthy children is consistent with authoritative/attuned parenting, but is oftentimes inconsistent with the instant gratification we stressed human parents seek...so, we have to use the skills of MINDFULNESS and VALUES FOCUSED COMMITTED ACTIONS  to tolerate discomfort in the moment for what really matters (a well adjusted kid).

Permissive <————————-Authoritative ——————————->Authoritarian

Similarly, the analogy of eating behavior goes: Emotional Eaters are like the Permissive Parents (short-term benefit: hedonic eating/long-term: unhealthy). Restrictive/Diet Culture/Obligatory Exercisers/Food Judgers/Fat Shamers are like Authoritarian Parents (short-term benefit: weight loss while “on the diet” —- although, this usually goes away when the diet stops, inability to eat intuitively due to too much control and fear of food/bodies/weight). Mindful/Intuitive Eaters are like the attuned/authoritative parents utilizing general parameters but also attuned to individual needs based on body, preferences, and other factors important to consider. The Mindful/Intuitive Eaters, similar to the Authoritative, Attuned parents may struggle initially because this process does not provide INSTANT GRATIFICATION, but the long term benefits are worth the hard work...in my humble psychologist, mother, eating disorder recovered opinion ;) 

Emotional Eaters—————————-Mindful/Intuitive———————-Restrictive

So, my words of encouragement to those who are trying this route (Mindful/Intuitive Eating) with the proper guidance (therapist, dietician, & physician). Do not be disheartened when the results do not come as quickly. This is your human brain clinging to short-term results despite knowing “DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS IS THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY.” 

We’re changing more than food and exercise this time....We’re changing your Brain! 🧠 We’re helping you develop a different relationship with food...one that is no longer fear based! We’re helping you develop a different relationship with your body/self-image! We’re helping you develop a different relationship with exercise! It takes time and momentum in each of these different areas. These approaches to parenting and eating are RESEARCH BASED...  so don’t just take my word for it - actually read the research in peer reviewed journal articles.                      

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transforming Political Challenges into Purpose - (Conflict is not always bad)

 My Personal Statement for Duke Divinity Masters Program - Due Date November 1st! I grew up in a small Baptist church in rural North Georgia, where Sundays were a blend of potluck casseroles and occasional Sunday School lectures on how my goals of pursuing a career instead of mothering seemed “selfish.” Similar to how my opinion on mothering changed, my spirituality also evolved over the years. I learned early how sometimes our struggles in life become the milestones that shape our journey. One of my earliest spiritual memories is of sitting in the church fellowship hall, watching a video series based on Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life. At the time, I was an adolescent struggling with depression and disordered eating. Twenty years ago, the stigma of mental health issues was much more pronounced, and I interpreted my issues as moral failings: evidence that I was not praying hard enough, believing deeply enough, or living righteously enough. In that context, Warren’s message—t...
Read more

My Daughter’s thoughts on the divorce and reunification

Image
 Hadleigh said, “I’m like you, mom, because I like to write. The difference is that you write when you’re happy, and I write when I’m sad…” Hadleigh (age 12) wrote the following: The Quilt (about the divorce) and How They Patched It (about reunification) ~ The quilt   By Hadleigh Pileski    I felt sad, upset, betrayed, and more than anything confused. My heart was about to burst out of my chest. My jaw was going to fall off my face. I had nothing to say, and even if I did, I had no way of explaining what a terrible nightmare I was in. At that moment, it was as if I could feel every grain of wood on the bench I was sitting on, or I could recite each name of spice from the floating aroma coming from the kitchen, yet I could still hear the leaves turning at the site of fall. Somehow, with just a few words the world found a key to open a door to put all of its weight  on my shoulders, and I couldn't seem to get it off.     One hour earlier,...
Read more

The Washing Machine Years

Image
My last blog post was back in 2020. I think that speaks to the impact of COVID and the aftermath of everything else that resulted. Since 2020, it’s felt like I’ve been on the wash cycle and unable to come up for air, but I told my partner (my ex-husband) that I’ll know I am “better” when I start writing again. Maybe it can also give me some clarity about what exactly happened in my life that I’m still struggling to understand. COVID, first off, made us all feel like the world as we knew it was changing and uncertain. Two of my family members died by suicide that year, and I recognized that I was probably entering the hormonal phase of perimenopause. In an effort to find some degree of control in my life, I set out to open a non-profit mental health clinic. My caseload was too extensive for me to handle alone, and I wanted to do more for the county to expand mental health services and prevent other families from experiencing the loss of loved ones due to untreated depression.  For...
Read more