The Space Lab



On Thursdays I volunteer at Hadleigh's school to help with Math class...not necessarily because I like teaching kindergarten children, but because they don't have a full-time paraprofessional. I'm actually downright terrible at teaching small children, and I'm hoping to gain some pointers from the teachers. This morning Mrs. Pickett had a space lab in her room she created from 2 painting tarps, a fan, and some masking tape. The kids loved it, and Ms. Pickett told me about how she made a lot of creative things for her children over the years to nurture their imaginations. Instantly, I felt like I needed to go out and buy these materials, so my kids could have a space lab at home. In reality, however, I know that I would spend too much money and time trying to replicate this project and feel angry when my children lose interest in 5 minutes or tear it apart. Instead, I went to Hobby Lobby to get the materials to make a mirror of myself (body image/self-esteem) art project with one of my patients this evening.

On my way to Hobby Lobby, I thought about my conversation with Hadleigh's teacher after lunch today. Hadleigh missed 4 of her 8 sight words today and continues to struggle with reading. We read and make sentences with sight words every night, but it just doesn't seem to be clicking. I feel guilty for working this evening instead of going home to help her read or design this space lab that's on my mind. I think is it awful I'm spending my money/time to make something with someone else's child while my kids are at home...probably watching television tonight? Before I beat myself up about this, I think about my mom when I was growing up. She was always teaching kids at school, tutoring, or teaching/volunteering with children at church. How did this affect me? Did I feel jealous or resentful? Honestly, there were a few times we got in heated arguments about her spending "our Christmas money" on children less fortunate...but mom always put me in my place reminding me how fortunate I was. Mom did a great job of spending time with me and establishing a strong example of helping others. I had mom and many other people in my life who collectively contributed to my development. I had great teachers at school and church, my aunts always made me feel special, my babysitter (Mae), and of course a handful of therapists over the years :)

Mamas, my point is - We are all in this together! I will inevitably learn something tonight that will remind me of the soft spots in the adolescent heart my adult mind has long since forgotten. I just know (intuitively) that I am better at connecting with adolescents and adults, so it is the very best I can give. On the other hand, I'm inpatient and just "not good" at the skills a kindergarten creative teacher possesses. I could see today Ms. Pickett lit up inside and felt in her flow when she led the little "space cadets" into their space lab...she felt what I feel when adolescents and adults confide in me about their thoughts and feelings. You see, we can't all be exceptional at everything...we just aren't made that way, but what a blessing when we all tap into our strengths and give the best parts of ourselves to others. We can also build on our shortcomings by putting in some dedicated effort...the way I go to school to learn from Hadleigh's teachers. This gives me enough ideas to be proficient as a mom, but I also know there are other tutors and mentors out there to help me and my children on this journey.

Maybe one Saturday I'll make a space lab, but for now - I'll just let her imagine the trampoline is the moon...

As a psychologist, this is why I love ACT (Acceptancce and Commitment Therapy) and MSC (Mindful Self Compassion). ACT grounds me in my values and helps me be quiet enough to hear my inner wisdom, and MSC helps me be compassionate to myself and all the other moms out there. It's wonderful when we all work together, believe in ourselves and others in this world, and teach/model for our children how to do the same.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transforming Political Challenges into Purpose - (Conflict is not always bad)

 My Personal Statement for Duke Divinity Masters Program - Due Date November 1st! I grew up in a small Baptist church in rural North Georgia, where Sundays were a blend of potluck casseroles and occasional Sunday School lectures on how my goals of pursuing a career instead of mothering seemed “selfish.” Similar to how my opinion on mothering changed, my spirituality also evolved over the years. I learned early how sometimes our struggles in life become the milestones that shape our journey. One of my earliest spiritual memories is of sitting in the church fellowship hall, watching a video series based on Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life. At the time, I was an adolescent struggling with depression and disordered eating. Twenty years ago, the stigma of mental health issues was much more pronounced, and I interpreted my issues as moral failings: evidence that I was not praying hard enough, believing deeply enough, or living righteously enough. In that context, Warren’s message—t...
Read more

My Daughter’s thoughts on the divorce and reunification

Image
 Hadleigh said, “I’m like you, mom, because I like to write. The difference is that you write when you’re happy, and I write when I’m sad…” Hadleigh (age 12) wrote the following: The Quilt (about the divorce) and How They Patched It (about reunification) ~ The quilt   By Hadleigh Pileski    I felt sad, upset, betrayed, and more than anything confused. My heart was about to burst out of my chest. My jaw was going to fall off my face. I had nothing to say, and even if I did, I had no way of explaining what a terrible nightmare I was in. At that moment, it was as if I could feel every grain of wood on the bench I was sitting on, or I could recite each name of spice from the floating aroma coming from the kitchen, yet I could still hear the leaves turning at the site of fall. Somehow, with just a few words the world found a key to open a door to put all of its weight  on my shoulders, and I couldn't seem to get it off.     One hour earlier,...
Read more

The Washing Machine Years

Image
My last blog post was back in 2020. I think that speaks to the impact of COVID and the aftermath of everything else that resulted. Since 2020, it’s felt like I’ve been on the wash cycle and unable to come up for air, but I told my partner (my ex-husband) that I’ll know I am “better” when I start writing again. Maybe it can also give me some clarity about what exactly happened in my life that I’m still struggling to understand. COVID, first off, made us all feel like the world as we knew it was changing and uncertain. Two of my family members died by suicide that year, and I recognized that I was probably entering the hormonal phase of perimenopause. In an effort to find some degree of control in my life, I set out to open a non-profit mental health clinic. My caseload was too extensive for me to handle alone, and I wanted to do more for the county to expand mental health services and prevent other families from experiencing the loss of loved ones due to untreated depression.  For...
Read more