1st Day of Kindergarten



Since becoming a mom, this is the first time I remember feeling anxious being away from one of my children. Although I felt a little sad about always returning to work after maternity leave, I mostly felt “ready” to return to my normal routine. Leaving the kids at a small home daycare in Baltimore and with family/sitters in Georgia has felt "comfortable." I knew they had loving caregivers with lots of attention to provide for my little ones. 

This morning, however, felt like something entirely new. I sent my baby off to school on a big bus with only a name tag to help direct her. It felt so strange writing her name, my phone number, her teacher’s name, and bus number on a tag. It was like applying an airline tag for the possibility of lost luggage – but this isn’t just luggage. It probably brought up some of my own anxiety about getting lost on my first day of school. My brother found me in the hallway and directed me to my class, but Hadleigh doesn’t have an older brother to help her...



Today, we looked at the long line of kids at the bus stop and realized Hadleigh was the only one in sandals. Matt nervously asked if kids are allowed to wear sandals. I reassured him there wasn't a rule about wearing sandals, but I instantly questioned my decision to send her out of the house in sandals on a rainy morning. We discussed whether or not to send her to school at all this year because she just turned 5 last week, but ultimately agreed she was socially mature enough. After searching for comforting mom blogs online this morning, however, I encountered a post about how kids are expected to write 2-3 sentences in kindergarten. Hadleigh barely knows how to write her name – I knew she wasn’t ready…and now I truly hate google.


In my sea of nerves and anxiety, I’m thankful for two things. First, I’m thankful for my training and experience as a therapist, which has taught me how resilient children and adults are. I cognitively (even if not emotionally) understand sending Hadleigh to school at 5 or 6 will not dramatically change the trajectory of her life. Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I also know there is value in all feelings (even the uncomfortable ones). This sinking feeling of anxiety is likely grounded in excitement about the unknown, so I’ll choose to remind myself the discomfort reflects a new adventure to be curious about. I’m also thankful for Ms. Elaine’s message at church yesterday – reassuring us parents our little ones will find their way. It is time to embrace my faith and believe in my daughter’s ability to shine her light <3 


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