I'm Not Going to Quit this time
We went to Duke this week for orientation, and it scared me. I felt like my 2 nd grade self when I was told I didn’t quite test high enough for the gifted program. When the professor put up a slide filled with scripture and an outline, the words looked like a sea of letters with no form or connection. That’s what happens when my anxiety takes over, my cognition is impaired, and I can’t think. All I can do is feel, and the feelings are overwhelming. It felt like a preview of what returning to class would be like, and I did what I’ve done the last few years when life has felt overwhelming. I opted to shutdown and look for the exit – anything to make the feelings stop. I loved my non-profit so much – the horses, the clinicians who worked for me, the people we helped. I wanted it more than anything, but I felt like it was breaking me. Since my aunt died by suicide, I’ve lived every day with fear that life could break me like it did her – that the human heart and brain can only tak...